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Redemption

NothingbetterNothingbetter Posts: 570
edited June 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Redemption

Broken spirit,
nothing left,
What happened?
felony theft.

Time lost,
sketchy memory,
hurtful times,
constant worry.

Promises broken,
faded dreams,
lost in the darkness,
silent screams.

Endless well,
falling down,
gasping for air,
broken crown.

Empty soul,
searches on,
once a king,
now just a pawn

Piece of me,
gone forever,
no chance of redemption
now or ever.

Mended spirit,
now in the works,
constant adaptation,
to the newfound quirks.

Love appears,
shining light,
star in the sky,
fills my night.

Sun returns,
eases the pain,
varying forecast,
not always rain.
Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Anna_falkAnna_falk Posts: 114
    Hello Nothingbetter
    I liked this, it was interesting how it began with pain and darkness and then it turned in the end, the hope appeared.
    To worry about tomorrow doesn't make it easier,
    it only makes today worse.
  • StarziStarzi Posts: 10
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    Redemption

    Broken spirit,
    nothing left,
    What happened?
    felony theft.

    Time lost,
    sketchy memory,
    hurtful times,
    constant worry.

    Promises broken,
    faded dreams,
    lost in the darkness,
    silent screams.

    Endless well,
    falling down,
    gasping air,
    broken crown.

    Empty soul,
    searches on,
    once a king,
    now just a pawn

    Piece of me,
    gone forever,
    no chance of redemption
    now or ever.

    Mended spirit,
    now in the works,
    constant adaptation,
    to the newfound quirks.

    Love appears,
    shining light,
    star in the sky,
    fills my night.

    Sun returns,
    eases the pain,
    varying forecast,
    not always rain.




    i never post about things i read unless i relate to them

    and i did to this...


    this is really nice, and has a great tone... thank you:)
    stargazer (n)-someone who is indifferent to the busy world.
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    I like it....
    especially the part about
    not always rain:)
    The end two stanzas are my favorite part:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Posts: 570
    Thank you, Anna, Starzi, and Ali. The feedback is nice :)

    It's always my goal to pull emotion from the reader, and I hope someone can relate to it. It's nice to see that is the case here.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • Words never listenWords never listen Posts: 46
    I also like it very much! Thank you for sharing... it's inspriring.
    How can I forget your tender smile
    Moments that I have shared with you
    Our hearts may break
    But they're on their way
    And there's nothing I can do
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Posts: 570
    That's very nice of you. Thank you.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • lucialucia Posts: 19
    wow, so simple yet so striking, uplifting to hear about hope and not just pain. thank you for making me smile today!
  • pearljoypearljoy Posts: 47
    I love your words...
    PearlJoy!!!!
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    the humour in the peom struck me......like hey.....I was only kidding....everything's okay.....just when we'd started to wipe our eyes.....I likked it.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Posts: 570
    lucia wrote:
    wow, so simple yet so striking, uplifting to hear about hope and not just pain. thank you for making me smile today!

    Thanks, I always like to make people smile :)

    That's an interesting perspective, ISN :) Love the interpretation.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
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