Home› Poetry, Prose, Music & Art

Thoughtful Burden

NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
edited September 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Thoughtful Burden

Corroded thoughts,
Wither away,
Painful memories,
Fading this day.
Love of life,
Key to this search,
Hand held out,
Souls emerge.
Pulled to safety,
Tornadic twist,
Saved from hell,
Stepping out of abyss.
Hope..your cape,
Heals my eyes,
Smiles of faith,
Ease my cries.
Shaped anew,
Window wiped,
Heart a card,
Thoughtful swipe.
Debt forever,
Gained so much,
Wound sewed up,
Strongest crutch.
Love a savior,
Or is it so?
Cursed along,
Flightless crow.
Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
Post edited by Unknown User on
«1

Comments

  • VEDHEAD27VEDHEAD27 Posts: 3,091
    Wow, and check you out! Very nice.

    I know it's a huge part, but I absolutely love everything about...



    Love of life,
    Key to this search,
    Hand held out,
    Souls emerge.
    Pulled to safety,
    Tornadic twist,
    Saved from hell,
    Stepping out of abyss.
    Hope..your cape,
    Heals my eyes,
    Smiles of faith,
    Ease my cries.
    Shaped anew




    Beautiful! :o It flows so perfectly. The hope in this one is like a roller coaster, up and down up and down. I certainly feel it though. Great piece!
    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤

    "Lo√e, you know the word
    ...YOU invented it!" ~ E√

    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
    ...::STONE--YOU--OWN!::...
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    Thanks, dude. I appreciate the feedback :)
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • VEDHEAD27VEDHEAD27 Posts: 3,091
    Most definitely! Keep them coming. :D
    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤

    "Lo√e, you know the word
    ...YOU invented it!" ~ E√

    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
    ...::STONE--YOU--OWN!::...
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
  • violet rayviolet ray Posts: 502
    y'all are so good here
    You ask me to enter
    But then You make me crawl
    And I can't be holding on
    To what You got
    When all You've got is hurt
    ----
    Underneath this smile lies everything
    All my hopes and anger, pride and shame
  • cartoonnightmarecartoonnightmare Posts: 52
    soft words, warmed my heart..thanks
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Great nothingbettre.
    Its flow and content is absolutely stunning.
    LOVE A SAVIOR
    OR IS IT SO?

    so it is.:D
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • kdpjamkdpjam Posts: 2,303
    absolutely killer.. (great!)
    lay down all thoughts; surrender to the void
    ~it is shining it is shining~
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    Thoughtful Burden


    Corroded thoughts,
    Wither away,
    Painful memories,
    Fading this day.
    Love of life,
    Key to this search,
    Hand held out,
    Souls emerge.
    Pulled to safety,
    Tornadic twist,
    Saved from hell,
    Stepping out of abyss.
    Hope..your cape,
    Heals my eyes,
    Smiles of faith,
    Ease my cries.
    Shaped anew,
    Window wiped,
    Heart a card,
    Thoughtful swipe.
    Debt forever,
    Gained so much,
    Wound sewed up,
    Strongest crutch.
    Love a savior,
    Or is it so?
    Cursed along,
    Flightless crow.

    I think the most inventive thing I like about this, is the metre.....short and sweet......and you still manage to make it powerful with such a restrictive metre......I guess necessity is the mother of invention, and when you've experienced what is in the poem, it's necessary to express it.....:)
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    Thanks again, all, for the nice comments.

    ISN - I was aiming for the fewest words to get the strongest point across. I even cut out a few words just to keep it restricted....as the flightless crow is.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    well, that's why I changed my sig.....ya know.....and you achieved it.....but I am haunted by tales of deceit and redemption.....of dreams of salvation and death.......but I guess that's just my problem.....mostly I understand your poem on such a level that can't be translated......and you described it so beautifully.....I've heard quite a few descriptions of the feeling you get when you are redeemed...but none of them have been as succinct as this one.....and I think brevity is best......after all......it's so hard to describe......jus keep it short....I'm a connoisseur of these kind of peoms and songs.....because I take them so personally......so I guess you could say, that I grade them......hehehehehe.....my particular foible......
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    ISN - I was aiming for the fewest words to get the strongest point across. I even cut out a few words just to keep it restricted....as the flightless crow is.

    You definately succeeded! And "the flightless crow"--that's a wonderfully dark and sad image, it's excellent! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    Love can save many, but can it save me?

    Only time will tell.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • VEDHEAD27VEDHEAD27 Posts: 3,091
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    Love can save many, but can it save me?

    Only time will tell.


    Awww Nothingbetter! That just makes me wanna hug you!

    *hugs Nothingbetter*

    :)
    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤

    "Lo√e, you know the word
    ...YOU invented it!" ~ E√

    ¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
    ...::STONE--YOU--OWN!::...
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
  • edeneden Posts: 407
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    Thoughtful Burden

    Corroded thoughts,
    Wither away,
    Painful memories,
    Fading this day.
    Love of life,
    Key to this search,
    Hand held out,
    Souls emerge.
    Pulled to safety,
    Tornadic twist,
    Saved from hell,
    Stepping out of abyss.
    Hope..your cape,
    Heals my eyes,
    Smiles of faith,
    Ease my cries.
    Shaped anew,
    Window wiped,
    Heart a card,
    Thoughtful swipe.
    Debt forever,
    Gained so much,
    Wound sewed up,
    Strongest crutch.
    Love a savior,
    Or is it so?
    Cursed along,
    Flightless crow.

    Wow NB, I am increasingly impressed with you..
    Too bad.... ;)
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    VEDHEAD27 wrote:
    Awww Nothingbetter! That just makes me wanna hug you!

    *hugs Nothingbetter*

    :)

    Aw, thanks, Vedhead :)

    Thanks for the compliment, eden :)
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • edeneden Posts: 407
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    Aw, thanks, Vedhead :)

    Thanks for the compliment, eden :)

    Anytime, keep em' commin ! :)
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    IT'S A NEW DAY

    A day of beginning - a day of action.

    The destruction of the genetic material and the realization of the future is the gateway to eternity.

    Destroy those who would wreak havoc upon the RULES of the universe.\\\

    Magnolia / Infinity.

    10/27/04

    // Consciousness is Power //
    Consciousness is Power
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    Right on...
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    Day of Death - Day of Destruction for the Illuminati
    Septemper 12th, 2004 a.d.

    Spell cast by the spirit of the earth
    Giyah - who is now incarnate
    With the Elements
    Spirit(dagger)
    Earth(rock)
    Fire(candle)
    Air(incense)
    Water(goblet of water)
    Energy(Breath)

    The spell was cast with spirit immortal
    That they may not pass through the portal
    Until they change from ire and hate
    Within their souls and change their fate
    Consciousness is Power
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    somebodythepsychic wrote:
    Day of Death - Day of Destruction for the Illuminati
    Septemper 12th, 2004 a.d.

    Spell cast by the spirit of the earth
    Giyah - who is now incarnate
    With the Elements
    Spirit(dagger)
    Earth(rock)
    Fire(candle)
    Air(incense)
    Water(goblet of water)
    Energy(Breath)

    The spell was cast with spirit immortal
    That they may not pass through the portal
    Until they change from ire and hate
    Within their souls and change their fate

    Are you trying to promote your Illuminati conspiracy theories, or band people together against the "Rulers"? Please do so in another thread. Thank you.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    Thank you for misinterpreting my poem. It shows the true nature of poetry. The whole thing is a poem not just the last four lines. Read it again please.
    The last four lines are the most important. It could apply to all evil people.

    I guess you can't even mention their name or you'll be censored.
    Consciousness is Power
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    somebodythepsychic wrote:
    Thank you for misinterpreting my poem. It shows the true nature of poetry. The whole thing is a poem not just the last four lines. Read it again please.
    The last four lines are the most important. It could apply to all evil people.

    I guess you can't even mention their name or you'll be censored.

    I was just giving you crap. It was a sarcastic tone, sorry. Hard to tell online.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    Yay. I should have known with the "RULERS" thing. I need a tougher skin. Something good came of it though. I just posted a new thread in the political forum along the same lines. I forgot the name (the top one)

    The two poems are about the same thing.
    Consciousness is Power
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    No problem. Things get easily misconstrued online.

    I'll check out your post in the politics area.

    Let me know what you come up with for music on my lyrics.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    For the hook i was thinking in sol feg - la la do ti la, la la do ti do. Very minor and sad. It wants to lead to the next verse. Fixed do. La is A. Do is C.

    I would prefer Mike to Stone. No accounting for personal preference.
    Consciousness is Power
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    I forgot to mention the last chord would be CM.
    Consciousness is Power
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    I'll have to try to put that together on my guitar and see if I can get it rolling. Thanks. Post a link if you get it recorded, please.
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • somebodythepsychicsomebodythepsychic Posts: 40
    Feel free to use anything I send. One last thought before I work on the verses. Sometimes it takes minutes. Sometimes years.

    Last time hook:
    Misty Eyed Statue
    Misty Eyed Statue
    A A C B C
    C C E D C

    Sounds like a hard rock ballad
    Consciousness is Power
  • edeneden Posts: 407
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    I'll have to try to put that together on my guitar and see if I can get it rolling. Thanks. Post a link if you get it recorded, please.

    You play guitar NB??
    Dammitt, why are you married! :D
  • jammergurljammergurl Posts: 33
    Nothingbetter wrote:
    Thoughtful Burden

    Corroded thoughts,
    Wither away,
    Painful memories,
    Fading this day.
    Love of life,
    Key to this search,
    Hand held out,
    Souls emerge.
    Pulled to safety,
    Tornadic twist,
    Saved from hell,
    Stepping out of abyss.
    Hope..your cape,
    Heals my eyes,
    Smiles of faith,
    Ease my cries.
    Shaped anew,
    Window wiped,
    Heart a card,
    Thoughtful swipe.
    Debt forever,
    Gained so much,
    Wound sewed up,
    Strongest crutch.
    Love a savior,
    Or is it so?
    Cursed along,
    Flightless crow.

    It is amazing how you can create such emotion and feeling with so few words in each line...very talented. (bows to you...)
    ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
    I am myself........like you some how.........(Release)
    ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Sign In or Register to comment.