I just thought I'd post this

CodeRiot

It's one of my favorite things I've written, I'd also like to accept any constructive criticism.



In My World

How do you sleep?
There's so much going on
I could not dream
That I'd, ever live this long
I love my life
I love my world
That I have built
Up from the ground
where I sleep and
where I lay
I love this world
I love this place

But how do you sleep?
With all the death in your world?
Piled up around your feet
and up to your neck
How can you pray for a happy end?
Never has there ever been one
In your world

But when I sleep at night
Dream of colors oh so bright
a future full of dreams for the better
which I'm, sure I'll see one day
Cause I love my life
I love my world
Which I have built
from the ground
Where I sleep and
where I lay

I love this place

Buru

like the optimism in it

punctuation seems kind of funny to me, but I suck at punctuation anyway

maybe you repeat I love this, I love that too many times - but in this case it is very effective, because you love your world no matter what, and in spite of the piling shit


I enjoyed it

this is lovely

Cause I love my life
I love my world
Which I have built
from the ground
Where I sleep and
where I lay

FancyFacade

thats the way i feel too, thanks for the lovely words

CodeRiot

Originally posted by Buru
like the optimism in it

punctuation seems kind of funny to me, but I suck at punctuation anyway

maybe you repeat I love this, I love that too many times - but in this case it is very effective, because you love your world no matter what, and in spite of the piling shit


I enjoyed it

this is lovely

Cause I love my life
I love my world
Which I have built
from the ground
Where I sleep and
where I lay

Thanks... and what exactly's wrong with the punctuation????

CodeRiot

Originally posted by FancyFacade
thats the way i feel too, thanks for the lovely words

glad someone can relate to it, and you're welcome!