Poem: Coffee drinkers
jboelhow
Posts: 170
I wrote this in hope of winning a coffee mug for a newspaper. Sadly I didn't win... but if you like coffee you might understand...
Anticipation: A Good Day
6:45 Monday morning
a 45 minute commute
I decide to start the day
with a coffee
Anticipation
OPEN
Shines like Christmas lights
a promise of joy
The drive-thru building
a cottage
straight out of a fairy-tale
Anticipation
I smile
no cars
Slowly to the window
so I can read the board
Exotic mixtures
Clever names
Tempting
Tempting, indeed
But, I decide on my favorite
Anticipation
Window down
Winter wind in
The friendly barista greets me,
“Cold today isn’t it?
What can I get you to warm you up this morning?”
I order
Grande cappuccino
Shot of amaretto
She smiles
She knows
this is my drink
Anticipation
I keep the window down
The grind of coffee
And swoosh of air meeting milk
is a mellow tune
Anticipation
I watch the process of pours
Flavor
Coffee
Milk
And Foam
A quick stir
lid
and then to top it off
whip cream and a chocolate covered coffee bean
The perfect contradiction
airy sweetness
with earthly bitterness
Anticipation
I pay
Put the car in drive
Lift the cup to my lips
Fulfillment
It’s going to be a good day
Anticipation: A Good Day
6:45 Monday morning
a 45 minute commute
I decide to start the day
with a coffee
Anticipation
OPEN
Shines like Christmas lights
a promise of joy
The drive-thru building
a cottage
straight out of a fairy-tale
Anticipation
I smile
no cars
Slowly to the window
so I can read the board
Exotic mixtures
Clever names
Tempting
Tempting, indeed
But, I decide on my favorite
Anticipation
Window down
Winter wind in
The friendly barista greets me,
“Cold today isn’t it?
What can I get you to warm you up this morning?”
I order
Grande cappuccino
Shot of amaretto
She smiles
She knows
this is my drink
Anticipation
I keep the window down
The grind of coffee
And swoosh of air meeting milk
is a mellow tune
Anticipation
I watch the process of pours
Flavor
Coffee
Milk
And Foam
A quick stir
lid
and then to top it off
whip cream and a chocolate covered coffee bean
The perfect contradiction
airy sweetness
with earthly bitterness
Anticipation
I pay
Put the car in drive
Lift the cup to my lips
Fulfillment
It’s going to be a good day
Live the life you dream
"Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way I use to be" -- John Mayer
"Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way I use to be" -- John Mayer
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Comments
She gave me a necklace,
and I loved it so much,
I gave it away,
for a child to play.
Java hold.
You get home.
No coffee.
Just decaf.
Take Ann with you.
Jump in the car,
turn on the ignition,
hit the gas.
Turn up the radio,
I need the music,
gotta give me some more.
Pick her butt up.
Smoke an ultra lite
in the car,
as I wait for her,
as usual.
Pleasant smiles.
COFFEE SHOP.
Nas LLOOOOVVVEEESSS coffee.;)
And coke.
Tea and raspberry coffee and a newspaper.
We talk about how much she can't stand
"Mr. Someone.":D
And I tell Steve about how
people can DNA soundwaves.
I'm a bi-polar genious.
And that's all i've got to stand for,
besides waking up ugly in the morning.
allison vi.
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
Usually it's tea,.. chai or green tea,... I love coffee,... hot writer's chai latte...
Ummmmmmmmmmmm :P
'cause we may not be the Young Ones,..."
--first u sow the seed-- nature grows the seed-- then we eat the seed--
I love the last 5 lines! Bluntly honest!
"Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way I use to be" -- John Mayer
"Anticipation
I keep the window down
The grind of coffee
And swoosh of air meeting milk (<-- could a simile or metaphor capture the dynamic of this? Something even subtly erotic?)
is a mellow tune (<-- if you're going to bring in a musical metaphor here, it needs to be elongated for sensual effect)
Anticipation
I watch the process of pours
Flavor
Coffee
Milk
And Foam
A quick stir
lid (<-- this is a little perfunctory. This should be the climax! It doesn't have to go over the top, but the senses should be intoxicated here)
and then to top it off
whip cream and a chocolate covered coffee bean
The perfect contradiction
airy sweetness
with earthly bitterness" (this oxymoron could be really powerful if you find a natural image to show the marriage of opposites)
Hope my crit is okay! Good to see you, jboelhow!
The critiques are right on. There is too much telling. This version is the third version, and I had a deadline for the contest. (Man, I wanted that free coffee mug
"Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way I use to be" -- John Mayer
'cause we may not be the Young Ones,..."
--first u sow the seed-- nature grows the seed-- then we eat the seed--
make me sick
remind me of my cigarette smelling
elementary school teachers
why don't you ever
see healthy people
going to
dunkin donuts and starbucks
i hate coffee