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hosh1314hosh1314 Posts: 63
edited June 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
All that shines was glistening across the shallow bay
Just as the moons reflection on a dark, dampened night
Everyone that came to see
Ran away in fright
Their egos, damaged
By the one unspeakable, fear
Which is the reason it’s getting colder here
The lull from the night wind came as a surprise
Rest in solitude is never to be spoken
Let alone experienced by those in denial
Take a swim in the stars and dream with the sky
And then try to influence those who pass by
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Medicated-GeniusMedicated-Genius Posts: 359
    Hey this has a different feel to it. I like it!

    " Take a swim in the stars and dream with the sky"

    Yes, I like it alot.
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    This is very well done. Have you thought of a title for this piece?
  • hosh1314hosh1314 Posts: 63
    i cant think of one.. any ideas??
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    You know, I really suck at thinking of a good title. I can give you my idea of what this poem means to me and if it jives with what you're thinking, maybe it'll help you find an appropriate title. This peom seems to be be about a reluctance felt by a mass of people of something forthcoming, but generally for the good although they don't see it that way. I don't think that a title like "Omen" would be appropriate, if this what you intended, since the last two lines suggest that what is to come is a good thing. Perhaps Enlightenment, Illumination, or the Passing of Knowledge? The Epiphany?

    If it was truly something dark and ominous that you meant to rely, how about the Forthcoming Shadow (which is a little cheesy) or just Forthcoming or Forshadowing? That's my best shot.
  • hosh1314hosh1314 Posts: 63
    those are good.. ny other ideas??
  • robertthecatrobertthecat Posts: 69
    How about Whispers? Dusk? Twighlight?
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