Untitled..need some suggestions..

blackoceans929
blackoceans929 Posts: 42
edited January 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
hey I wrote this the other day and have no idea what to call it..any ideas?


unnoticed, she walks through the crowd
the flock past her
as she weeps with her head down
she once tried so hard to keep up with them
how she struggled
she can't do it again
she can't fake a smile
when all she wants to do is cry
she can't climb that other mile
and no one knows why
no one stopped to hold her tight
to tell her she was perfect
and make it right
through all the people
everything is such a blur
she can't find someone else alone
just like her
she grows restless searching
she can't do it on her own
oh how her heart is hurting
she needs to find her place in his arms
she dreams of a day
where someone will hold her hand
but not today
she doesn't understand



how can she be true to herself when that's not what they desire?
some words when spoken...can't be taken back

she lived like a murder...but she died. just like suicide...

"if you love someone, set them free. if someone loves you, don't fuck up."
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • blackoceans929
    blackoceans929 Posts: 42
    sorry..I had actually changed some lines in it, this is the semi better version..


    unnoticed, she walks through the crowd
    they flock past her
    as she weeps with her head down
    she once tried so hard to keep up with them
    how she struggled
    she can't do it again
    she can't fake a smile
    when all she wants to do is cry
    she can't climb that other mile
    and no one knows why
    no one stopped to hold her tight
    to tell her she was perfect
    and make it right
    through all the people
    everything is such a blur
    she can't find someone else alone
    someone just like her
    she grows restless searching
    she can't do it on her own
    oh how her heart is hurting
    her pain unknown
    she dreams of a day
    where someone will hold her hand
    but not today
    and she doesn't understand



    how can she be true to herself when that's not what they desire?
    some words when spoken...can't be taken back

    she lived like a murder...but she died. just like suicide...

    "if you love someone, set them free. if someone loves you, don't fuck up."
  • western pearl
    western pearl Posts: 632
    lost .......
    "Everyone is a patriot in some form or another.... i prefer the intelligent ones."

    "She fell funny"

    "Klaus Daimler, 40, engineer, calm, collected, German"
  • Eddie_Vedder_83
    Eddie_Vedder_83 Posts: 281
    blackoceans929 wrote:
    sorry..I had actually changed some lines in it, this is the semi better version..


    unnoticed, she walks through the crowd
    they flock past her
    as she weeps with her head down
    she once tried so hard to keep up with them
    how she struggled
    she can't do it again
    she can't fake a smile
    when all she wants to do is cry
    she can't climb that other mile
    and no one knows why
    no one stopped to hold her tight
    to tell her she was perfect
    and make it right
    through all the people
    everything is such a blur
    she can't find someone else alone
    someone just like her
    she grows restless searching
    she can't do it on her own
    oh how her heart is hurting
    her pain unknown
    she dreams of a day
    where someone will hold her hand
    but not today
    and she doesn't understand



    how can she be true to herself when that's not what they desire?

    miscomprehension
    ~It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not - ?~

    ~You laugh because I am different, I laugh because you are all the fucking same -?~

    ~Education is the most powerfull weapon you can use to change the world - Nelson Mandela~
  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    'origami'.....which is a solitary art.....and fragile also
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • blackoceans929
    blackoceans929 Posts: 42
    thanks you guys
    some words when spoken...can't be taken back

    she lived like a murder...but she died. just like suicide...

    "if you love someone, set them free. if someone loves you, don't fuck up."
  • nailz100
    nailz100 Posts: 1,176
    I would call it "someone else"... Very nice poem
    Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
  • christmascleanlove
    christmascleanlove Posts: 21
    how about "unnoticed"?
    i can still bite my toenails.
  • Soul Shakedown
    Soul Shakedown Posts: 3
    Just call it "she"
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    Call it "Abscence"
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird

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