Inside corruption corp
CaptainCorruption
Posts: 8
http://www.CaptainCorruption.com
The following transcript is excerpted from a recent high level Corruption Corporation marketing meeting:
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "What's wrong with 'Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is'?"
Richard Johnson, V.P. of Marketing: "Sir, a corporate slogan needs to impart the inherent value of the company's products to the consumer."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is DOES impart the most important value of our products to our customers!"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Sir, with all due respect, you can't expect our sales team to close deals if our customers are told right up front that our products exist for the express purpose of lining our pockets."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "But that IS why they exist, isn't it?"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Yes but sir, you can't tell the customers that, or they won't buy, sir."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "So you're saying, what... we should lie to them?"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Sir, honesty isn’t how things get sold. You don’t sell a million singing fish at $19.99 a whack by telling people up front how dumb the fish are gonna look on their walls. You don’t sell a million stickers of a toddler peeing on the Ford logo by telling people they will look like ignorant hicks when they apply that sticker to their truck. Sheesh, sir, next you’ll ask the president to sell a war by mentioning that people will get killed…”
Richard Johnson, V.P. of Marketing: "What Todd’s trying to say, sir, is that it's all about branding. It's important that our customers feel good about the products they purchase and the company they purchase from. It's important that our brand is known for the value it provides. That's why we've developed a new slogan, a slogan for today's consumers, a slogan for today's market, a slogan for the 21st century: 'Corruption - A Name You Can Trust'."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "I don't know about this... You guys have fooled me before. Dick, you told me all your market research showed that having red, white and blue and the US Flag all over the website would drive sales through the roof, and it hasn't done squat!
Todd, you were just sure that folks these days cared about low carb, diet free, holistic environmental crap, and where's that gotten us? Nowhere, fast! Now you two want to use some touchy feely 'trust' load of bull for this stuff. I keep tellin' ya, it's just tee shirts and bumper stickers we're selling here, not E.D. meds...
Ok, fine, we'll try it your way, and this better work. If it doesn't, heads will roll!
Now, let's recite the corporate pledge, shall we..."
I Pledge Allegiance to the Fads of the United States of America
And to the consumers on whom they prey
No Money Down Financing Available
With endless interest and payments for all
Captain Corruption - Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is - errrr, I mean A Name You Can Trust.
http://www.CaptainCorruption.com
The following transcript is excerpted from a recent high level Corruption Corporation marketing meeting:
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "What's wrong with 'Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is'?"
Richard Johnson, V.P. of Marketing: "Sir, a corporate slogan needs to impart the inherent value of the company's products to the consumer."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is DOES impart the most important value of our products to our customers!"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Sir, with all due respect, you can't expect our sales team to close deals if our customers are told right up front that our products exist for the express purpose of lining our pockets."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "But that IS why they exist, isn't it?"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Yes but sir, you can't tell the customers that, or they won't buy, sir."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "So you're saying, what... we should lie to them?"
Todd Collins, V.P. of Sales: "Sir, honesty isn’t how things get sold. You don’t sell a million singing fish at $19.99 a whack by telling people up front how dumb the fish are gonna look on their walls. You don’t sell a million stickers of a toddler peeing on the Ford logo by telling people they will look like ignorant hicks when they apply that sticker to their truck. Sheesh, sir, next you’ll ask the president to sell a war by mentioning that people will get killed…”
Richard Johnson, V.P. of Marketing: "What Todd’s trying to say, sir, is that it's all about branding. It's important that our customers feel good about the products they purchase and the company they purchase from. It's important that our brand is known for the value it provides. That's why we've developed a new slogan, a slogan for today's consumers, a slogan for today's market, a slogan for the 21st century: 'Corruption - A Name You Can Trust'."
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: "I don't know about this... You guys have fooled me before. Dick, you told me all your market research showed that having red, white and blue and the US Flag all over the website would drive sales through the roof, and it hasn't done squat!
Todd, you were just sure that folks these days cared about low carb, diet free, holistic environmental crap, and where's that gotten us? Nowhere, fast! Now you two want to use some touchy feely 'trust' load of bull for this stuff. I keep tellin' ya, it's just tee shirts and bumper stickers we're selling here, not E.D. meds...
Ok, fine, we'll try it your way, and this better work. If it doesn't, heads will roll!
Now, let's recite the corporate pledge, shall we..."
I Pledge Allegiance to the Fads of the United States of America
And to the consumers on whom they prey
No Money Down Financing Available
With endless interest and payments for all
Captain Corruption - Putting Your Money Where My Mouth Is - errrr, I mean A Name You Can Trust.
http://www.CaptainCorruption.com
Captain Corruption - Your OG alternative classic no formula cutting edge hard core M.C. Bringing you the beautiful moods of relaxing industrial top forty country jazz and techno mozart.
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
http://www.captaincorruption.com
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
http://www.captaincorruption.com
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
The husband of an aquaintance of mine was a lawyer who had the role of defending companies that damaged the environment with hazardous waste. It confused me how this woman could love a man that could talk himself into that everyday.
I pledge allegiance to the flag.......
One nation under God.......
UH...Mr> BUSH?
WARS?
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
http://www.captaincorruption.com
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
Richard Johnson, V.P. of Marketing: One other thing, sir... blogs sure are all the rage, we shouldn't miss out on that angle.
Captain Corruption, C.E.O.: Wait wait wait, lemme get this straight. You’re saying we need a blog now that we have a commerce site? Some place to ramble on about the things we pretend to care about and stand for while we fill up the blog commentary with loosely related or occasionally random links to our products?
I like it!
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
http://captaincorruption.blogspot.com/
http://www.captaincorruption.com