Any feedback appreciated ...

Boosk
Boosk Posts: 29
edited January 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Well in my efforts to get back into pursuing my writing ambitions, I have spent the last week reworking a short story. The finished product can be read at the link below if you're bored and need something to do for the next 20 minutes.

http://www.geocities.com/josh_x_b/trade
A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Boosk
    Boosk Posts: 29
    .... or not
    A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men
  • Kwyjibo
    Kwyjibo Posts: 662
    um... rodger with a 'd' looks wierd
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • tsopotelba
    tsopotelba Posts: 80
    Boosk, I am scared of ghosts and it's almost time for bed. I will read your story on Saturday morning.
  • Boosk
    Boosk Posts: 29
    tsopotelba wrote:
    Boosk, I am scared of ghosts and it's almost time for bed. I will read your story on Saturday morning.

    Then I apologize ahead of time for any bad dreams you may end up having :)
    A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men
  • tsopotelba
    tsopotelba Posts: 80
    Right, I read it.

    It's a good story, well written. A couple things, though: I didn't really understand the end. The ghost comes because of the father? Maybe you could explain that better - like the ghost is protecting the kid, or maybe had an abusive father himself... maybe this was explained and I just missed it.

    Also - and I understand there are different stlyes, so this may be intentional - but the characters seem to be too made-up. They don't talk like people really talk, they talk like people write. But it seems like a lot of stories written in certain genres sound like that, so, like I said, maybe it's intentional.

    Good story, though, and not as scary as I thought it was going to be. Which is good. Because I don't like being scared.
  • Boosk
    Boosk Posts: 29
    tsopotelba wrote:
    Right, I read it.

    It's a good story, well written. A couple things, though: I didn't really understand the end. The ghost comes because of the father? Maybe you could explain that better - like the ghost is protecting the kid, or maybe had an abusive father himself... maybe this was explained and I just missed it.

    Also - and I understand there are different stlyes, so this may be intentional - but the characters seem to be too made-up. They don't talk like people really talk, they talk like people write. But it seems like a lot of stories written in certain genres sound like that, so, like I said, maybe it's intentional.

    Good story, though, and not as scary as I thought it was going to be. Which is good. Because I don't like being scared.

    The first part is purposefully ambiguous. Make your own conclusion ... I made a conscious decision not to address that, because I think explaining it would come out forced no matter what the answer was. So whatever you think it is, that's the right answer :)

    The second part is probably partly intentional and partly not. The characters are meant to be a bit over the top, I think that's partly due to the length, not a lot of time to flush out a character. But I will read it over with an eye to that.

    Thank you :)
    A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men
  • tsopotelba
    tsopotelba Posts: 80
    Boosk wrote:
    The first part is purposefully ambiguous. Make your own conclusion ... I made a conscious decision not to address that, because I think explaining it would come out forced no matter what the answer was. So whatever you think it is, that's the right answer :)

    The second part is probably partly intentional and partly not. The characters are meant to be a bit over the top, I think that's partly due to the length, not a lot of time to flush out a character. But I will read it over with an eye to that.

    Thank you :)


    Hmm. Leaving the end ambiguous is good, makes it more interesting and keeps you thinking about it afterwards. But maybe you could offer some possibilities, some hints - a sentence here or there, you know - and not have to force some sort of explanation. Leaving it up to the reader, but giving some hints, you know?
  • Boosk
    Boosk Posts: 29
    tsopotelba wrote:
    Hmm. Leaving the end ambiguous is good, makes it more interesting and keeps you thinking about it afterwards. But maybe you could offer some possibilities, some hints - a sentence here or there, you know - and not have to force some sort of explanation. Leaving it up to the reader, but giving some hints, you know?

    But you already came up with the two easiest possible endings, what more hints do you want? :)
    A little nonsense now and then, relished by the wisest men

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