2 songs/poems i wrote...plz tell me what u honestly think

nicool

"No Goodbye"

Alone, by myself again..
no family, no friends.
..thinking about you,
it wasn't something you had to do;
you could've stayed home..
i wish you would've known how much you meant to me..

Didn't get to say goodbye
you waved your last farewell
to a bottle of rye;
got in the car...
in a clockwise motion,
you turned the key..
didn't stop to think of me..

Maybe she didn't love you..
but i always did..
some things just don't last..
but you couldn't put it in your past...
she's now with him,
you just couldn't win.

You lost hope..
saw no reason to go on
..couldn't live with what your brother had done...
wouldn't live by yourself as one.

It's the middle of the night..
another fight.
i take my tear-stained pillow from this place..
just can't forget the image of your face...
why couldn't it be him...
...instead of you?
i guess life is a game i'll never win...

I got left behind..
stayed down here as you spread your wings..
flew to the clouds;
escaped tihs blanket of darkness,
and into the light.

Whenever i look to the sky,
i know you're here with me..
I just wish i cold spread my wings and fly..
...or at least rewind and get my chance to say goodbye....


k, thats my first poem/song... tell me what u think plz; if u wanna know what it's about, then just ask.

nicool

"Silent Scream"

What was so bad..
that happened to him,
why does he do the things he does...
he's got no self control..

Try to erase this
but still it persists..
every time she leaves,
..he comes after me
no one suspects a thing
..guess they can't hear my sreaming..

Bottle after bottle
..he just doesn't stop;
gotta get away from here..
nowhere near,
to escape from my fear

..guess nobody can hear my screaming..

try to erase this
but still it persists,
hes at it again
just couldn't resist

Try to open the blinds
in the darkness i can't find..
alone once again
only sound is a fist ot my mind
no way to escape

..to escape from your hate..
guess this is my fate..

try to forget this,
try to cover it up..
close my eyes and hope
it will all go away
..praying for these wounds to fade..

A tear trickles down my face
something like this u can't erase
can't anyone hear me?
is everyone too blind to see...
too blind to see...
....a silent scream?


and that's the 2nd one. Feedback would be appreciated:)... plz tell me what u thought about this poem, and the other one and tell me what u think it means, or if u dont have a clue you can ask.


!~!~!KeEp RoCkIn In ThE FrEe WoRld!~!~!

Buru

I liked the first one better, not too sure who it is about though
I could connect with the being left behind theme and not being able to spread your wings

the second one sounds like an abuse poem (the silent sreaming thing in particular), if that's the case I'm sorry (it also reminded me of Jeremy, because you used some of the lines)

Buru.

Carolina

I don´t know if I´m very emotinal today, but this poem is very beautiful and deep. You write very well, I read a lot of book poems and I can tell you: CONGRATULATIONS! (really)

nicool

well the first one is about my dad.... he died recently mainly from severe depression. couldn't handle anything anymore and just drank as much as he could and drove his car into the river.. he just couldn't live with the fact that my mom found someone new so he took his own life. the second poem "a silent scream" has to do with my stepdad and how he takes everytihng out on me. he basically hates me because i came from my father. well... thx for readin my poems...

~Nikki

15 minutes

it's always a nice read when someone writes from
the heart.

nicool

Originally posted by 15 minutes
it's always a nice read when someone writes from
the heart.

well thank you for taking the time to read them:)

suede

Your poems are really good & your explanations are similar to what my thoughts were. Keep writing; your creativity will be the one thing you can depend on throughout your life, especially when the picture is not always pretty. I don't know your exact situation or how you are handling things, but you might want to go talk to someone, it will help you feel better, too.

nicool

Originally posted by suede
Your poems are really good & your explanations are similar to what my thoughts were. Keep writing; your creativity will be the one thing you can depend on throughout your life, especially when the picture is not always pretty. I don't know your exact situation or how you are handling things, but you might want to go talk to someone, it will help you feel better, too.

thanks.. they aren't all that great cuz im no poet, but sometimes i just like to get my thoughts down on paper... or a computer screen, whatever works.

Ilovethefishes

these poems need more of an erotic thriller plot.

nicool

Originally posted by Ilovethefishes
these poems need more of an erotic thriller plot.

lmao:P

hsewif

They're really good Nikki.

Ilovethefishes

Im really think you Should get Shannon Whirry or Julie Strain to star in them.

nicool

Originally posted by Ilovethefishes
Im really think you Should get Shannon Whirry or Julie Strain to star in them.

maybe i will lol

Ilovethefishes

Originally posted by nicool
maybe i will lol

You could star... but unfortunately you're too young..


Traci Lords is a good role model

nicool

Originally posted by hsewif
They're really good Nikki.

thanks, but u really don't have to be nice.. i just felt like releasing my thoughts i know it aint al lthat great

hsewif

Originally posted by nicool
thanks, but u really don't have to be nice.. i just felt like releasing my thoughts i know it aint al lthat great

I was being honest. I didn't say they were great or the best things I've ever read, I said they were really good.

I wasn't being nice, I was being truthful.

nicool

Originally posted by hsewif
I was being honest. I didn't say they were great or the best things I've ever read, I said they were really good.

I wasn't being nice, I was being truthful.

well thx i didn't think they were actually decent at all... but thanks a ton if u really think so