at the very least

DopeBeastie

Would that the mechanic could
work the fine car's hoses back
three fingers bent
And crooked, swirl, around the driver
Pushing tin to tin and time toward time-reverse again
reset
The two-way drill he used to use
To fake an age
Wont fake work here

And would that the old housewife could
Work the her fine leg's hoses back
Two knees once crooked
ironed straight, around the driver's side
Pushing light to flight and time toward time-reverse again
Reset
A two-way thrill she used to use
To fake an orgasm
Neither cared.

And would that their cell's future could
Work the couple's hoses back
A re-connect
Of Bitch to Dick
Of Car to Driver (driven love)
Pushing Mom to Dad and time toward time-reverse again
Reset
A two way thing
That mustn't've been fake
For one day at the very least.

rarghrargh-brownstar

another brilliant one! sigh.......
nice to see u back
:( missed u

DopeBeastie

hiya j


how ya doing?

rarghrargh-brownstar

Originally posted by PastaNazi
hiya j


how ya doing?

ok and finding calm
eating breakfast
cant go to yoga
bringing the yoga to me
nice to see u back

nailz100

Interestign Pasta....Very Interesting. I wonder whats on your mind?

jboelhow

Originally posted by PastaNazi
time toward time-reverse again
reset
The two-way.

Like the transition line here used to take the reader to the time in the stanza that reflects the good aspect.

DopeBeastie

yoga is good, so i hear calm breakfast's are too


and nailz??? sometimes... I wonder, too


and joel? thanks... thanks very much...

EvilToasterElf

Those first two stanzas are phenomenal, absolutely clever, the third is getting there, could use a little more crafting I think, but an excellent idea drawn out and executed.

DopeBeastie

i think it's the first appearance of a triple contraction i've ever actually placed on page, lol...


liguistics be damned


thanks evil... that third is kind of a throw away... y'all are always telling me to write more, so... i did... i think quite often when I'm done, I should just be done and ta bloody 'ell with the reader, lol

EvilToasterElf

Yeah it kind of felt like it, and keep writing more. Even if all you get is one good line out of a two page poem, it's one more line than you had before

anOmis

really interesting poem Pasta nazi!
keep them coming