Home› Poetry, Prose, Music & Art

Quite Nearly Contained

DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
edited January 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
A man approached me, yesterday.
My things in his hands.
My meditations in mine.

With a smile on my bruised mouth
I lied through my mascara
telling him everything was happy and light.

He winced, apologetic for display.
My collective apoplexy
road a boat ashore,
and I drove home.
Quite nearly Contained.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    I like this one so very much.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    That second stanza is really good, PN!!! I like how it begins, how it ends and everything in between. :) Teeth may have an easy time with lies but mascara?---the truth always bleeds down your cheeks.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    pasta has a way. very vivid image and emotion.
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    hmm... thanks, guys :)

    I'm thinking i should say, "I drove home with my things." like, capturing the transfer of stuff... does it need it? Or do you "get" that from the read?
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    He winced, apologetic for display.
    My collective apoplexy
    road a boat ashore,
    my things and I,
    we drove home.
    Quite nearly Contained.

    You mean something kinda like that??? Maybe?? :)

    You know, I don't think you really need to tell us that, actually. I think if we "get" it, we'll "get" it without it being said. But, if you want to lay it all down and not leave anyone guessing, then add a little sumthin', sumthin' in about your things. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • lovin kindlovin kind Posts: 268
    the angel opens my eyes to see
    i ask for guidance in everything
    i do fall before the thrown
    of creation where unknown

    i throw down all my numbers
    find a spot to hide up under
    looking into the falling rain
    drinking so blessed thanks everyday

    caught in a place where prayers bring questions
    people laugh and make suggestions
    to what might be a better place
    if i just packed up and let em have theyre way

    and then theres time where i second guess
    all ive done has become such a mess
    on an island waiting all alone
    for maybe someday she will come home

    into the trees i hold and plead
    for time to stop and sing eternally
    when love of peace becomes a goal
    and the mary go round is hope

    to have a song filled with all that is wise
    to have a song that opens everyones eyes
    to pray that one day real soon
    i will be good enough for you

    well your poem was good mine i think is to back and forth like
    thanks to everyone who can read what i write without having to say something mean
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    fascinating response, lovin kind... as usual. you blow me away with your thrown=throne and your mary go round hope. i'm serious. thank you so much for this. tweaks me.

    i like what you got, being... i'm just worried that once i start picking at it, it'll all fall apart, becoming a mess of letters in the bottom of my dust bin.


    maybe a line three edit: My patience. We exchanged.
  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    PastaNazi wrote:
    A man approached me, yesterday.
    My things in his hands.
    My meditations in mine.

    With a smile on my bruised mouth
    I lied through my mascara
    telling him everything was happy and light.

    He winced, apologetic for display.
    My collective apoplexy
    road a boat ashore,
    and I drove home.
    Quite nearly Contained.

    don't change it. it's just as it should be. imho. :)
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    Good read! :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
Sign In or Register to comment.