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DopeBeastie
DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
edited August 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
there are probably a million stars around me, each of pore and line, connecting. deep cuts in knuckles. the occasional mark. the ink. the blood on high. a net. a map without scale. it is what i see when i look down. looking in, but by, i am blinded by deaf noise. riddled by sensation. i can't see how the grazed ice makes my stomach shiver, instantly. or how a cool morning blows across the sweat at the base of my neck. or how weak he's made my legs. i only feel it. and inside me it stays contained.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    oops. fixed the stupid last line...
    why's shit always gotta get thru?

    bagh.





    there are probably a million stars around me, each of pore and line, connecting. deep cuts in knuckles. the occasional mark. the ink. the blood on high. a net. a map without scale. it is what i see when i look down. looking in, but by, i am blinded by deaf noise. riddled by sensation. i can't see how the grazed ice makes my stomach shiver, instantly. or how a cool morning blows across the sweat at the base of my neck. or how weak he's made my legs. i only feel it. and inside me, it stays. contained.
  • Astral Star
    Astral Star Posts: 129
    Ohhhhh - This one is very stream of consciousness. I luv it!

    my favorite line "i can't see how the grazed ice makes my stomach shiver"

    Lots of solid imagery going on here Miss Pasta Nazi. I'll have to read it again.
    "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to eachother." Mother Theresa
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    gratsi...

    merci beau coup (lol... i'm sure i spelled that wrong)

    i may add to this one. i'm not sure i've said all i want to.


    :)now, on to yours:)
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Ooo, Pasta!! This one makes me feel all floaty and quizzical at once. It's dreamy and real. Definitely one to read over and over, looking for more meaning. Thumbs up, darlin'! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • depopulationINC
    depopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    PastaNazi wrote:
    oops. fixed the stupid last line...
    why's shit always gotta get thru?

    bagh.





    there are probably a million stars around me, each of pore and line, connecting. deep cuts in knuckles. the occasional mark. the ink. the blood on high. a net. a map without scale. it is what i see when i look down. looking in, but by, i am blinded by deaf noise. riddled by sensation. i can't see how the grazed ice makes my stomach shiver, instantly. or how a cool morning blows across the sweat at the base of my neck. or how weak he's made my legs. i only feel it. and inside me, it stays. contained.


    either way, nice work. I found myself thinking I was there....that it was me. Great imagery.
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    i am glad you like it, depop... thank you :)
  • twin1
    twin1 Posts: 902
    I really like how easy it is to visualize and "feel" this one, very thoughtful...good read
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!

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