a poem not about a girl

blueintheface

my brain listens for dead sounds
in the spanning arizona desert,
i find myself distant from water
relatives and our ruined culture.

i search cautiously and curiously
seeking happiness and a universal truth
and maybe my journey is folly
but atleast im not standing still

my compass and i debated yesterday
of politics ethics and cosmology
it pointed the argument in directions
that i accepted gratefully.

FinsburyParkCarrots

You know, for me there are thematic oppositions waiting to be explored further: the expanse of landscape/the intimacy of immediate relation to the self; national culture/self advancement. You're in a desert with a compass that points to wisdom, and perhaps, the spring of furtherance: It could be fun to explore that this path to change is from within.

I note also the use of -ly sounds that often turn up in water poems such as Patrick Kavanagh's "Lines Written on a Seat on the Grand Canal, Dublin":

O commemorate me where there is water,
Canal water, preferably, so stilly
Greeny at the heart of summer. Brother
Commemorate me thus beautifully
Where by a lock niagarously roars
The falls for those who sit in the tremendous silence
Of mid-July. No one will speak in prose
Who finds his way to these Parnassian islands.
A swan goes by head low with many apologies,
Fantastic light looks through the eyes of bridges -
And look! a barge comes bringing from Athy
And other far-flung towns mythologies.
O commemorate me with no hero-courageous
Tomb - just a canal-bank seat for the passer-by.


Your poem has elements of this. However, I'm not sure if "cautiously and curiously" in line five sounds right as a conjunction of adverbs. But then, that's an issue of what my ear likes and not necessarily an adverse criticism of your craft.

Thanks for posting this. I enjoyed reading it.

Nothingbetter

and maybe my journey is folly
but atleast im not standing still


Keep on movin'.