a quick sonnet.....

blueinthefaceblueintheface Posts: 153
edited March 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
for the homeless but hopeful

Its Friday and inside the young ones dance
Outside in the November chills I stare
One glances out, sees me, and looks askance
The wrinkles on my face gave the scare.

I keep strolling, my night's activity
Passed the street's liquor store but I restrain
Clothes drag on the sidewalk, people gasp at me
I can't look back, for their eyes speak disdain.

My body shivers and quivers small quakes
The hunger I dread creeps into my head
Behind me the store window's glass falls, breaks
Paralyzed, I now sleep, though not my bed

I hope they'll come in numbers just to say
Sorry for staring in that awkward way
"be a philosopher but, amid all your philosophy, be first a man" - david hume

Mitch Hedberg- RIP 1968-2005. your jokes have laughed me through a lot. I thank you.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I like it, but I'd change line eight. It tells rather than shows. Could you find an image - literal or metaphorical - that keeps the rhyme?
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