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Teaching Breaks You

tracingdaisiestracingdaisies Posts: 40
edited April 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
A Student Goes for the Jugular

Of course
you are not my child so
I should be harder to crack – it was just

it was
the way you muttered ‘homeless’
and shed two quiet tears in the same breath;
the way you said “I can’t”
and believed it;
the way you put your head down
so I wasn’t sure it could
come back up.
I wish I was a Democrat
One that had a chance to win
I wish I was a Republican
But would I be a human being?
--from 'Wishlist,' 7/6/03, Philadelphia

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tracingdaisies
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    ...wow...
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    that was truly beautiful... I mean, you could sense your hesitation
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • tracingdaisiestracingdaisies Posts: 40
    Thanks for commenting...though you don't have to only be nice, you know. ;)
    I wish I was a Democrat
    One that had a chance to win
    I wish I was a Republican
    But would I be a human being?
    --from 'Wishlist,' 7/6/03, Philadelphia

    http://www.livejournal.com/users/tracingdaisies
  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    well if I don't like it, I just don't post :)

    and I've heard of constructive criticism ms. teacherlady ;)
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • Heatherj43Heatherj43 Posts: 1,254
    Originally posted by Kwyjibo
    well if I don't like it, I just don't post :)

    and I've heard of constructive criticism ms. teacherlady ;)
    Yeah me too! I truly love this. I can feel it!
    Save room for dessert!
  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    nice poem, the only things you might want to change are two of the line breaks, I wouldn't leave "so" on the end of a line and "so I wasn't sure" / "it could come back up" might be a little tighter
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