Dear Stupid Happy Ending
romybian
Posts: 1,644
I've heard it all before. You can't measure thought, or feelings, or emotions. They're just there, you're never going to run out of them, and you can never have too much of them. I nod and say "that's right". But I can't trick myself, deep inside, I keep this idea that I'm running out of things to offer, and I can't seem to come to terms with the reality that that is simply not true.
Today I saw a piece of my soul die. In slow motion, like that part of that puzzle we can't seem to find a place for, I saw it slowly vanish in the air, and I realized that that feeling was lost. I will never feel that again because I decided this was the time to set it free.
Another day I watch go by, and my brain keeps working as hard as day one, trying to convince myself that this was not dead since that moment.
There's a reason I hate novels and fiction stories. Because even when they can teach us a lot by telling us someone else's experience, they're inevitably planting in our minds the idea of that stupid happy ending that leaves everyone crying and feeling so glad that things turned out the way they were supposed to. I hate every happy ending for teaching me the idea of a "happy ending". I would just love to not know what that means, I would be so much happier if I wasn't always thinking that things are going to happen the way I want them to, If I could rely on innocence and just walk through life, and let things hit me, not having to chase them for so long just to find myself trapped in a dead end, looking behind and seing the trace of blood I decided to waste turn dry and dark, as my every idea of happyness vanishes in the air and leaves me with that sour taste in my mouth, of knowing that again, I have failed. The starts didn't feel like aligning, the moon decided to play another prank on me, and they're all together up there now laughing at my lack of luck, at my absolute absence of that stupid utopic happy ending every sensless movie has.
I guess the key is to realize, that even if most of the time we can compare our life to a movie, our life is real, it happens, and we can't help it. There's no stop, or pause, or fast foward or rewind to help us through the screening. What we didn't get, we didn't get, what we can't keep, we can't keep. The End.
Today I saw a piece of my soul die. In slow motion, like that part of that puzzle we can't seem to find a place for, I saw it slowly vanish in the air, and I realized that that feeling was lost. I will never feel that again because I decided this was the time to set it free.
Another day I watch go by, and my brain keeps working as hard as day one, trying to convince myself that this was not dead since that moment.
There's a reason I hate novels and fiction stories. Because even when they can teach us a lot by telling us someone else's experience, they're inevitably planting in our minds the idea of that stupid happy ending that leaves everyone crying and feeling so glad that things turned out the way they were supposed to. I hate every happy ending for teaching me the idea of a "happy ending". I would just love to not know what that means, I would be so much happier if I wasn't always thinking that things are going to happen the way I want them to, If I could rely on innocence and just walk through life, and let things hit me, not having to chase them for so long just to find myself trapped in a dead end, looking behind and seing the trace of blood I decided to waste turn dry and dark, as my every idea of happyness vanishes in the air and leaves me with that sour taste in my mouth, of knowing that again, I have failed. The starts didn't feel like aligning, the moon decided to play another prank on me, and they're all together up there now laughing at my lack of luck, at my absolute absence of that stupid utopic happy ending every sensless movie has.
I guess the key is to realize, that even if most of the time we can compare our life to a movie, our life is real, it happens, and we can't help it. There's no stop, or pause, or fast foward or rewind to help us through the screening. What we didn't get, we didn't get, what we can't keep, we can't keep. The End.
"The joke in your language won't come out the same" (Tom Petty)
I'm no dude! Dudette!
I'm no dude! Dudette!
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