Reject

darkrose
darkrose Posts: 40
edited February 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
That flawless image of thee.
Reduced itself to a shoulder so cold.
A silent chill, directed towards me.
Actions became words, too obvious for relief.
Realization presents itself, finally.
Another rejection unfolds.
I continue to slouch, stupidly.
Waiting for something else.
To become another nothing.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • mulac
    mulac Posts: 97
    this is a nice wee poem

    i like the ending
    the passenger is life
  • Yellow
    Yellow Posts: 699
    "hug me less, love me less, i want to be more of a mess"


    ~radar(baba)o
    It's all yellow.


  • EvilToasterElf
    EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    Try and get rid of the "thee" it looks kinda silly without any other archaic words around it - I've been repeatedly scolded for throwing in old timey poetry words - It can work, but you really have to make an effort of it

    Good poem though
  • darkrose
    darkrose Posts: 40
    Thanks you EvilToasterElf!:D
  • darkrose
    darkrose Posts: 40
    oops. damned 50 second rule!

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