a song by me

albino_rockeralbino_rocker Posts: 26
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
what does everyone think?

Brilliant Fantasy
(Verse 1)
I dream about being with u,
Every second that we're apart,
But I’ve never left you,
Cos I hold u here in my heart,
I hold on to the memories,
Of broken friendships and deals,
All of the hidden emotions,
The heart decides to conceal
(chorus)
it's like a brilliant fantasy,
Where forever you’re here with me,
But it's only the prefect daydream,
I don’t ever want u to leave,
(verse 2)
I can't wait until I am near you,
And talk to your heart thru your mind,
The love I find deep inside me,
Hidden till I met u that night,
erupted like a volcano,
and connected us then for life,
I fell into the kindness,
that was shown to me in your eyes
(repeat chorus)
instrumental
(Verse 3)
They say things only get better,
But I don’t see how that could be,
I will be weeping forever,
since the day that you have to leave
(repeat chorus)
some things once spoken, can't be taken back
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Hey, that's really touching. Awww I'm all emotional again.
    Had a rough night but that summed a lot of stuff up. Thanks for sharing.
    20-04-2006 04-09-2006 05-09-2006 11-09-2006 16-09-2006 17-09-2006 18-06-2007 21-06-2007 26-06-2007 28-06-2007 17-08-2009 20-05-2010 21-05-2010

    "The live shows? Well, that's church on Sundays"
  • Your bandmate/vocalist (my sister's son), corduroy_vedder came here with his mum today and played the demo CD with this track on....

    What's the song with the line "I'm fighting destiny at its best", in it? I like that one; especially corduroy's singing (!). (Corduroy will read that and say, "You bastard, Uncle Finsbury...")

    I've got to support the band, being family and all that....

    So, advertise your gig. It's in March, I know.... at the Man on the Man pub in Cambridge, I know.... tell the people when exactly..... and if there's a website link, etc....
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    if i was camebridge, ma i would check it out.......a ticket to england costs a little too much :)
  • thaks finsbury, the song u sed u liked goes by the name "the unkown" The name bears no relation to the song at all, we jst cldn't think of a name that would and our drummer was yelling at us. Anywho, here it is for you,
    wondering round in my own world,
    reliving the sites i've seen and heard,
    confusing my life with yours i know,
    it's wishfull thinking keeping me going,
    i phone you but your not there at all,
    i'm losing my mind and soon i'll fall
    (guitar bridge)
    (chorus)
    i'm killing myself try'ng to get to you,
    i'm losing my grip on where and who,
    i'm losing myself in my thoughts of you,
    won't some one remind me of where and who?
    (verse 2)
    another round presents it's self,
    without even thinking i take it down,
    i'm thinking as the whole world gone mad,
    is it only me who's lost all they had?
    why doesn't fate give it a rest?
    i've beaten destiny at it's best.
    (chorus)
    yeh we should be playing a gig but we have decided to change the venue for said gig. We have decided upon the "portlans arms" instead of the previous decision, as we were informed it is "a hole, full of drunk 19 year old punks" by my brother. With that in mind we decided our so un-punk music would not be fully apreciate by the audience that may or may not be there. The portland arms would, aparently, be "easier to fill with our mates" not to mention various relatives and tag-alongs who are, of course, just as welcome. . . well the relatives are. We don't know when yet but we're looking for march sometime, as you said. Thank you inside the wall for taking the time to read my song, i'm you liked it. TTFN, to quote a certain stripy individual.
    some things once spoken, can't be taken back
  • hey thats good man about time we get some bands who can write some quality lyrics. post your stuff on here if you like, would love to give it a listen!
    The wind is blowing cold
    Have we lost our way tonight?
    Have we lost our hope to sorrow?

    Feels like were all alone
    Running further from what’s right
    And there are no more heroes to follow

    So what are we becoming?
    Where did we go wrong?
  • thanks very much suprise left, i'll ry to get a song or two on here but i cldn't say i know how, could you tell me?
    some things once spoken, can't be taken back
  • whey, al bino me lad you met uncle finsbury then! Yeah i forgot to tell you uncle finsbury liked the way i sang the bit "why doesn't fate give it a rest, i've beaten destiny at its best." He especially likes the "best" bit.
    I don't live today.....Maybe tomorrow?-Jimi Hendrix
  • Originally posted by albino_rocker
    what does everyone think?

    Brilliant Fantasy
    (Verse 1)
    I dream about being with u,
    Every second that we're apart,
    But I’ve never left you,
    Cos I hold u here in my heart,
    I hold on to the memories,
    Of broken friendships and deals,
    All of the hidden emotions,
    The heart decides to conceal
    (chorus)
    it's like a brilliant fantasy,
    Where forever you’re here with me,
    But it's only the prefect daydream,
    I don’t ever want u to leave,
    (verse 2)
    I can't wait until I am near you,
    And talk to your heart thru your mind,
    The love I find deep inside me,
    Hidden till I met u that night,
    erupted like a volcano,
    and connected us then for life,
    I fell into the kindness,
    that was shown to me in your eyes
    (repeat chorus)
    instrumental
    (Verse 3)
    They say things only get better,
    But I don’t see how that could be,
    I will be weeping forever,
    since the day that you have to leave
    (repeat chorus)

    no offense, but you asked, and I'm going to be honest.
    Its trite and unoriginal, and looks like something Clint Black would sing. Go back to the drawing board. People will tell you its good here, just so you'll say you like their stuff, and it becomes a big stroke off.
    This is bad, reinvent the way you write, don't sacrifice your vision for the sake of rhyme.
  • thanks for being honest, i'll keep those suggestions in mind in future. Especially that rhyming one, i just find it easier.
    some things once spoken, can't be taken back
  • the thing is, there is no vision so i'm not sacrificing anything. It's just words, at this stage. It's the easiest way to write, for me
    some things once spoken, can't be taken back
  • Originally posted by albino_rocker
    thanks for being honest, i'll keep those suggestions in mind in future. Especially that rhyming one, i just find it easier.

    it would have probably been easier for Michelangelo to paint the sistine chapel's ceiling red, but we wouldn't remember him today if that were the case. Many easy songs are very bad songs.
  • case in point:


    this broken wheel is coming undone
    and the road's exploding
    but you're keeping me strong
    rolling along with you
    love is a tower, and you're the key
    leading me higher, when you let me in
    keeping us close (so close)
    oh, on down the line
    sometimes i burn like a dot on the sun
    with no one knowing
    but you're keeping me strong
    moving along with you
    you are a tower, of strength to me
    the darkening hour, sees light again
    again...
    ooh wah, ooh wah, ooh wah, ooh wah
    you are, you are, you are, you are
    you are...
    love is a tower, of strength to me
    i am the shoreline, but you're the sea
    the sea
    you are, you are...
    ...
    Nosotros nunca escuchamos la voz adentro
Sign In or Register to comment.