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My first poem

JulijanaJulijana Posts: 18
edited December 2003 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Interupted thoughts conflicting
jealousy remains in tact
crawling death,illusion sickening
pushing hard,defiance cracked.
shunned suggestions,risen rage
surfacing creation breaths
unlocking the deadly cage,
thruthful word another meets.
fallen grief imlies relief
smothered skull emancipated
living for a moment brief
still undaunted
courage waited.
once you know
you can never go back...
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    haunting yet preeeeeetty. :)

    good job. i hope this first isn't your last.
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • JulijanaJulijana Posts: 18
    I never had the balls to share my poetry before,and it's nice to get some incouraging words.
    once you know
    you can never go back...
  • GouletGoulet Posts: 918
    this is a very good first poem
    reminds me of things i wrote
    about 4 years ago (speaking as a wisened, grey-beard poet)
    but the hut needs you
    and your words
    so write!
    write!
    write!
  • A Surprise LeftA Surprise Left Posts: 743
    thanks for sharing none of us pretend to be Lennon or indeed Vedder or anyone else who has a great grasp of the English language. Great first poem you will only improve each time keep up the good work!
    The wind is blowing cold
    Have we lost our way tonight?
    Have we lost our hope to sorrow?

    Feels like were all alone
    Running further from what’s right
    And there are no more heroes to follow

    So what are we becoming?
    Where did we go wrong?
  • BhagavadGitaBhagavadGita Posts: 1,748
    Cross over children, all are welcome. all are welcome.
    thanks for sharing your poetry Julijana.
  • JulijanaJulijana Posts: 18
    Well thank you all for those kind,kind words.I was really expecting something like"you suck,stop wasting our board space you talentless asswipe!",but encouragment is good :)
    once you know
    you can never go back...
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Julijana
    I never had the balls to share my poetry before,and it's nice to get some incouraging words.

    As Goulet said - Write! Write! :D

    Don't be afriad to share, the worst that can happen is that someone won't like it and then that's just too bad for them now, isn't it? :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • seekitseekit Posts: 73
    thank you for sharing!
    This is very good.
    Seek It
  • A HitchHiker PoetA HitchHiker Poet Posts: 129
    Great poem! I love it!
    Don't need a raincoat, I'm already wet..
  • Pearl Jam and toastPearl Jam and toast Posts: 4,475
    Originally posted by Julijana
    Well thank you all for those kind,kind words.I was really expecting something like"you suck,stop wasting our board space you talentless asswipe!",but encouragment is good :)
    ohhh even if it sucked - which it didnt - we wouldnt rip you up like that.

    good job!
    Come on pilgrim you know he loves you..

    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org

    Oh my, they dropped the leash.



    Morgan Freeman/Clint Eastwood 08' for President!

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  • sayang_annabelsayang_annabel Posts: 20
    i agree 'tis rather good :)
    keep on writing i say. you're lucky u started out good, when i started writing i was absolut shite i tell thee.
    and so castles made of sand fall in the sea eventually...
  • 20_layne_xien20_layne_xien Posts: 57
    keep writing...
    i look forward to reading more of your poems...
    ...time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time...

    "breathe, breathe in the air...don't be afraid to care...leave but don't leave me...look around and choose your own ground...for long you live and high you fly...and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry...and all you touch and all you see...is all your life will ever be..."
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