Slow Suicide - (I'm not on my side)

seekit · December 2003

Slow Suicide (I’m not on my side)

She wakes up with cracks
in her head
another long night
she thought she had
Can't remember, black outs again.

A lady but not last night,
can’t remember like she lost her sight
Slow Suicide I’m not on my side,
why do these dying thoughts occupy?

Take another pill to adjust in the daylight,
time ticking in her head until her next flight
out of her head
out of her life.

Feels sympathy for the ones who have to live like this,
her small children
she makes up with a kiss –

Not present in her own time,
makes up lies
to makeup for her crimes –

Sick and slow she dresses she has to go,
shows up for work
fakes another day

Strands of insanity weave through her head;
hate this day I’ll show them instead-
Drinks like a lady, devil in disguise,
dangles the strings of a puppet
she willingly subscribes.

Tattoo of shame in her soul, painful pins stab
her existence this shit is taking a toll –

Rationalization is comfort, off she goes it’s a new day, promises to stay away from the devil for today.

Maybe she will find her way
out of tomorrow
and back from yesterday –

she wakes up again, can’t do it alone, I need that comfort I drink I’m home.

Slow suicide, I’m not on my side.

WHY?

SleightOfHand562 · December 2003

heavy.

seekit · December 2003

sorry i don't mean to be.............so heavy............it just happend that way.....

tenaciousA · December 2003

seekit, be as heavy as you can, it's what seeking it is all about

this writing's subject is superharsh
i'm not judging
but its author is

and sometimes we need to judge ourselves so that we can grow

and sometimes we need to stop judging ourselves so harshly so that we can heal

much peace