Stairmaster to Heaven

EvilToasterElf
EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
edited April 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
not even close to done yet...more to come later

Stairmaster to Heaven

“the status quo” my father would often say,
“is exactly as it should be,”
it pulls at us like gravity
the siren song of the remote control
“It should be difficult to be an individual”
he was so fond of pointing out
life is something that was just given out
like slop at a soup kitchen
and so many work to find a bed in their bi-level
“individuality” he belched after his third beer
has to be earned, you didn’t fight to be born,
if anything you fought to stay unborn, we
had to cut your mother open…he would trail off
his favorite metaphor for my birth, my mother’s
only c-section, was popping the hood of their Chrysler
and pulling out the engine

my mother died during child birth

he would only say it when he was drunk
but it always made me cry
I was only becoming immune at the age of 15
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • ISN
    ISN Posts: 1,700
    mothers are good (sometimes)....
    if they love their favourites, then they can ruin the others
    I have a high regard for good mothers....
    and I think those that aren't with us would probably have been the best ones...
    it's difficult not having your own mother....
    it's quite confusing for a child
    and bewildering......and tragic
    God bless good mothers.....everywhere.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • EvilToasterElf
    EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    ISN wrote:
    mothers are good (sometimes)....
    if they love their favourites, then they can ruin the others
    I have a high regard for good mothers....
    and I think those that aren't with us would probably have been the best ones...
    it's difficult not having your own mother....
    it's quite confusing for a child
    and bewildering......and tragic
    God bless good mothers.....everywhere.....


    it's a persona poem, my mother is alive and well but thankyou
  • Kwyjibo
    Kwyjibo Posts: 662
    hmmm, I liked this poem, but hated the title.

    The title might have been more appropriate were it a light hearted poem.
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • EvilToasterElf
    EvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    I generally like writing poems that come full circle from the title to the last line

    I'll find another poem to use as an examply, but generally I like using titles that seem almost meaningless until the end of the poem but have a profound meaning when the poem is over, and this poem isn't even close to done yet
  • Kwyjibo
    Kwyjibo Posts: 662
    I really love the poem evil, but the title throws me off in such an uncomfortable way. Maybe that's good, maybe not, but I just really didn't like the whimsical title in such a sad poem. If I didn't love the poem, I wouldn't even say anything :)
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.

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