Enter

EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
edited March 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
This one goes back a ways, see if you guys can do anything with it

Enter

The door is polished mahogany
Shining
arched with marble columns in front
The door silently opens
The slick backed hair of a grown man
Draped over the ears of a child hustled through tax evasion
An adult at age ten
The door of innocence splinters

The door is chipped cedar
the knocker painted a golden color
Plastic shudders, and a cracked walkway
The door clicks open
Yellow tipped hair of a teen idol
Standing up straight just like everyone else, new to nobody
A follower sapped of thought
The door of foresight cracks

The door is hollow synthetic
stained brown and covered with peeling paint
A pinhole looms at eye level to spy intruders and passers by
The door scrapes the carpet as it opens
Haggard hair of a working mother
Hunched over by the weight of alimony and two jobs
A lover desperate for hope
The door of compassion withers

The door is thin plastic
A broken handle and cracked glass mar the surface
It may be the only working part of a camper landlocked in refuse
The door is shoved open with a violent effort
Hair driven back to reveal yellow, crooked teeth
Smiling hungrily, at the prospect of some new vice
A recluse spurning change
The door of freedom melts

The door lays on the floor, already having been kicked in
Police tape forbids re-entry
Bullet holes for decorations, in a room that smells of death
The tape is pulled back to reveal the truth
Hair is not part of the artists rendering
Hands and legs sprawled in different directions, red stains within a white outline
A warrior stripped of a cause
The door of time bursts into writhing flame
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • tenaciousAtenaciousA Posts: 604
    this concept is interesting, looking into different doors and describing what's seen, but it lacks poetic precision (?)... maybe cadence or rhyme will make it flow mo betta.... and i dunno... i like a tighter tie when stanza's a tied together thematically


    try taking the concept to re-write and see what happens


    :)
    ~all is full of love~
  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    I wholehardedly agree

    Maybe that'll be my project for the next couple of days, I'll keep the board posted
  • tenaciousAtenaciousA Posts: 604
    i'll be watching :)
    ~all is full of love~
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