history bleeding

EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
edited August 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
history bleeding

In Tuxedo a broken furnace smolders,
like the carcass of an obsolete train
lying across the rusting rails.

The wood braces straddling the façade
have already started their slow decay.
Its surface is pockmarked by missing stones,
chiseled away by age and indifference

A cross of steel poles block the sagging entrance,
like a forgotten offering to the gods
of manufacture. A stone falls from the building
and lands in front of me, and I can almost
hear the echoes of boots, of processions like
corduroyed funerals, praying with those
blasted workman’s hands.

The black ground around the base is raked
with shards of coal. It stands like a pile of ash
molded into the shape of a tree.
I imagine the people who worked here
piling coal into the mouth of a monster;
as some must be spoon fed now
by distraught nurses,

some no doubt fed to the belly of the earth
to help compensate for those displaced chunks
of black rock.

Vast tarps cover the roof, a shrowd
The sparrows kneel on to pray
To chant their hymns to the forest
That overfed a demon until it died
If this furnace were a history book
it would bleed, the dark words of
leaking from chapter to chapter.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I'd do away with the poetical typography and run it into prose, then carry it on, fitting it into a sustained fiction.

    I'm still reading it, here.
  • I guess I'd have to go actually figure out what it is, or anything about it, other than a picturesque crumbling facade in the woods, but that's an interesting thought, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out some information about it.
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Very good memory for me Toaster elf.Reminds me of the first fort I built in the woods with my friend Linda during one of our bouts in the woods playing as young gilr scouts.:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • Wow! :) It's amazing, you actually breathed life into a dying building---Bravo, ETE!!!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    I thought of run down streets in cities when I read this, or age of industry buildings still standing, but not in use. Now, when I read the title I thought of the natural and unnatural disasters that are occuring as we write. Then I decided to confuse myself by figuring out at what TIME does a natural or unnatural disaster become history. I guess when there is hardly any recognition that it was there?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • thanks for your comments all, I think I'm gonna wipe out those first 3 lines, because they're a little over the top, anybody else think so?
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    Actually, the first three lines are what pulled me in. That's when I started to think of a certain time and place when things crumble.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • anyone bored enough to compare, tell me if you think this is a little better

    history bleeding

    In Tuxedo a broken furnace smolders,
    like a pile of ash molded into the shape of a tree.

    Wood braces straddling the façade
    have started their slow decay.
    Its surface is pockmarked by missing stones,
    chiseled away by age and indifference

    A cross of steel poles block the sagging entrance,
    a forgotten offering to the gods of manufacture.
    Stones tumble to the earth in front of me,
    and I hear the echoes of boots, of processions like
    corduroyed funerals, praying with those
    blasted workman’s hands.

    black footpaths wind around the base,
    raked with shards of coal.
    I imagine the people who worked here
    piling loads into the mouth of a monster;
    as some find themselves shoved
    into the dark rectangles of the earth’s hunger
    to help compensate for those displaced chunks
    of black rock.

    Vast tarps cover the roof, a shroud
    the sparrows kneel on to pray,
    to chant their hymns to the forest
    that overfed a demon until it died.
    If this furnace were a history book
    it would bleed, the dark words of
    leaking from chapter to chapter.
  • NothingbetterNothingbetter Wichita, KS Posts: 570
    Loving this part:

    A cross of steel poles block the sagging entrance,
    like a forgotten offering to the gods
    Kansas City 6/12/03 ** Kissimmee 10/9/04 ** Atlantic City 10/1/05 ** Denver 7/2/06 ** Denver 7/3/06 ** Chicago 8/23/09 ** Chicago 8/24/09 ** Kansas City 5/3/10 ** Dallas 11/15/13 ** Oklahoma City 11/16/13 ** St. Louis 10/3/14 ** Tulsa 10/8/14 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/20/16 ** Chicago - Wrigley Field 8/22/16 ** Oklahoma City 9/20/22 ** Ft. Worth 9/15/23

    EV - St. Louis 7/1/11 ** Tulsa 11/19/12
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    I think the second version is better - I'm glad you corrected 'shrowd' (although it could well be an old spelling of the word).....I think this poems has a lot of dark atmosphere.....and reminds me of some of those haunting fairy tales I read when I was a child - full of dark forests.....I like the progression in the poem starting with manmade façades etc, moving onto people (dead albeit) and finally turning to a kind of decayed and dark nature.....makes me think of the relationship we have with the planet.....
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
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