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this week

Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
edited June 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
this week thunder cracked
and coloured the skies
when it rains it pours
im in my shower and smell the sea again
everything changes and circles form
life always follows death
the sun is shining
all the flowers have opened
and im happy to bee
your light's reflected now
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    Obi Once wrote:
    this week thunder cracked
    and coloured the skies


    i love that imagery.......i enjoy the simplicity and sparesness of words, yet when i think about it, quite a lot of emotional complexity to it. or maybe i am just adding it to it, possibly. :o ...and absolutely, at such times......idle hands are the devil's plaything ;)....so good to be a busy bee.

    *hugs*
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    decides2dream wrote:
    i love that imagery.......i enjoy the simplicity and sparesness of words, yet when i think about it, quite a lot of emotional complexity to it. or maybe i am just adding it to it, possibly. :o ...and absolutely, at such times......idle hands are the devil's plaything ;)....so good to be a busy bee.

    *hugs*
    *hug*
    thanks
    u're right, things i held sacred got shaken.. and i had to refresh my view on some things..

    i changed it a bit:
    this week thunder cracked
    and as it coloured the skies
    the tide set in
    when it rains it pours
    nothings stays it all just fades away

    in the shower i smell the sea again
    everything changes and circles form
    life always follows death
    the blink of now is all we have
    nothings stays it all just fades away

    spring has ended summers here
    the sun is shining
    flowers opened life appeared
    the sun sets in
    and im happy just to bee
    nothings stays it all just fades away
    your light's reflected now
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I agree with dreamn. :)
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Obi Once wrote:
    this week thunder cracked
    and coloured the skies
    when it rains it poors
    im in my shower and smell the sea again
    everything changes and circles form
    life always follows death
    the sun is shining
    all the flowers have opened
    and im happy 2 be (a busy bee)
    When it rains...it does pour.
    At least youre happy to be a busy bee:)
    Very calming reflective poem.;)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Obi Once wrote:
    *hug*
    thanks
    u're right, things i held sacred got shaken.. and i had to refresh my view on some things..

    :) It seems that your refreshed view is positive and grounded! Very enjoyable poem, Obi Once, I especially like the last stanza.
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • decides2dreamdecides2dream Posts: 14,977
    Obi Once wrote:
    *hug*
    thanks
    u're right, things i held sacred got shaken.. and i had to refresh my view on some things..

    i changed it a bit:
    this week thunder cracked
    and as it coloured the skies
    the tide set in
    when it rains it pours
    nothings stays it all just fades away

    in the shower i smell the sea again
    everything changes and circles form
    life always follows death
    the blink of now is all we have
    nothings stays it all just fades away

    spring has ended summers here
    the sun is shining
    flowers opened life appeared
    the sun sets in
    and im happy just to bee
    nothings stays it all just fades away



    things that are sacred to us, always get shaken....thus we must always hold onto them gingerly, tenderly, carefully.......

    i really love all the water references.....tide, rain, shower, sea....beautiful, i can feel it....and then, the sun. :) however, i do hope you are wrong with "nothing stays it just fades away"


    although i do miss the last line of "happy to be (a busy bee)"
    there was a sweetness, innocence and sense of frailty with that line that i truly enjoyed.....
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • oldermanolderman Posts: 1,765
    The scent of the sea,
    Doth colour me,
    And stings me with the wind of the waves,
    As it is with the salted surf of the south,
    We live on beyond ourselves,
    In Still Life portraits of our youth.

    Thanks Obi, inspriring poetry :)
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • Obi OnceObi Once Posts: 918
    decides2dream wrote:
    i really love all the water references.....tide, rain, shower, sea....beautiful, i can feel it....and then, the sun. :) however, i do hope you are wrong with "nothing stays it just fades away"


    although i do miss the last line of "happy to be (a busy bee)"
    there was a sweetness, innocence and sense of frailty with that line that i truly enjoyed.....
    well i was thinking over time, everything has a ending, everything gets forgotten even we as a species dont have eternal life.. no need to worry about past or future, now is all we have.
    the busy bee line, yea well, i dont like how it sounded in english, in dutch it sounds better.. in english it sounds childish, but eh well i kept all versions..

    and again thanks for all the kind words ya'll
    your light's reflected now
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