Commons Bar Fly

FinsburyParkCarrots

I counted thirty seven veins on the left cheek
forty one veins on the right
The nose was a throbbing seminar in the principle of bifurcation
a network, a spaghetti junction of puceness
and the teeth
seemed to overbite and rest somewhere near the chin
like sallow dossers about to jump a bridge
and the hair was definitely dyed
I don't think it was meant to be pink
but there were definite tinges around the temples
and the bouffant blowwave was a Thatcherite tribute
grammar school boy done good in parliament
with the hairstyle of a junior transport minister
and the white shirt washed by Commons staff
and the port stain still present on the gut from the night of the fox hunting vote
a vote to have a vote to have a vote
which he lost
and which didn't please his farming constituency in the surgery the next Tuesday

and I counted ten ports
four double scotches
eight havanas
twenty four and a half mentions of the single currency
eighteen of Sangatte
fifty nine of his dog, Cyril
a good measure of reference to the golf club
and finally one for a cab to Ronnie Scott's
which I saw him enter
it already occupied by a mysterious blonde

FinsburyParkCarrots

"Anyway, apropos The Honourable Smythely Smythe-Smythe, anyway, I'm not conflabbing extraneous matter, so keep this under your goggles, but a certain personage from the Ministry relates that - and this is, you know, ahem - how shall we put this - not for PMQs on Tuesday - that - said Smythe was seen exiting a certain establishment in the Mayfair district at four in the morning in, er, let's say, ah, reassigned gender of dressage...lovely floral print job actually...a right old dolly rocker...agreeable breastages for a chap. Staples from head office wasn't quite sure about the Safeways supermarket bag under the arm... full of clinking stuff...and a carrot...looked like it was a Finsbury Park job...very big....."

justam

Quietly humorous. I like it.

EvilToasterElf

Fins everytime I read one of your Britishey pieces it transports me right back to that rainy island and I love you for it, although I couldn't grasp all of it, I understand the fox hunting allusions and most of the political satire, god bless the british, where alcoholism and patriotism are one and the same