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Stirrings

FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
edited February 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Surge, river,
roll out from the bend a whispered roar of lives
a start of light
bright bodies
starlight stipples
lend
a voice
to wordless thoughts between each thought
Here
within this instant
where I lay gazing
on the bank
between the breaths I make

I
catch her eyes within
the play of sunkissed rivergleams
little deaths of light renewed as births
her for all time
a wind
a dream blown down to kiss a brow
a shimmering between these willows!

I hear her name!
breezewarm rushes bow:
A light my life has cried for
finds me now.




:)
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • phishgodphishgod Posts: 133
    I like that one Fins...it really works with starlight stipples....
    rockon,
    phishgod
  • cassiacassia Posts: 277
    the secret scented truths misting, pausingly, between breaths yes, beautiful, the start of light, the diamond shivers of newhope voicing wordless yesyesyes the answered song, the familiar never-met but known, deep deep
    the river
    suddenly new, the light, the gentle laughing...
    ooh
    i get all wrapped up in the sparkling cheese of it~
    i do love
    start of light....and yes the heartcry of a life answered in one slender-beamed smile of jeweledbliss~~ah, Ride the Wave

    surge
    godyes, channel the current, carrots~~~
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    I believe this might be my favorite baby carrot yet…

    Many wonderful things…

    The wordless thoughts b/w each thought…

    The catching of the little slivers of light that come of river ripples and shine

    Little deaths… (not a fan of Frank Herbert, by any chance, are you?)


    “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”


    Anyway… nice, Fins…


    Do I get a cookie for my patience? :D
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    Dear Yella,

    A whole box of cookies.

    :)

    I was thinking more about the "petit mort"....if you read Jean Rhys's "Wide Sargasso Sea" it's a description of ...well....the culmination of desire...sex/little deaths/waves/rebirth and all that. In "Antony and Cleopatra" the verb "to die" is often infused with connotations of physical jouissance...I was trying to capture that joy in a poem....
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    hey...

    that's really cool :)


    i've tried to capture that in writing once...

    came out different, as these things do...


    :)


    thanks
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    Surge, river, roll out from the bend
    A whisper'd roar of lives, a start of light,
    Bright bodies, starlight stipples; lend
    a cry to wordless thoughts between each thought
    here, within an instant (here I lay
    gazing at a bank between the breaths
    I make, drinking those eyes within the play
    of sunkissed rivergleams and little deaths
    of light renewed by births, here, for all time).
    A wind!, a dream blown down to kiss a brow,
    a shimmering between the willows. Name
    the moment? Yes! The oxlip open so.
    I hear her name! The windkissed rushes bow:
    a light I've lived to breathe breathes in me now.
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    i like the changes :)
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    That was the original!

    :D

    I wrote it when you bullied me into submitting a new poem...I didn't have one really......I was being lazy....then I sort of changed the layout to satisfy the anti-iambic pentametrics...:D
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    what'd you call me?





    :P



    i like structure and rhyme as much as i don't like structure and rhyme...

    when da shoe fit?
    wear it :)
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    Not you, yella...

    :)

    Youzz mah buddy
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    i am reading this poem about a lady who passes gas
    knocking plaster from the ceiling
    which falls on her husband's head
    thereby causing his untimely demise...


    this one line...

    "IT IS I.... FLATULA!!"



    is beyond hilarious...


    :D
    It's all yellow.


  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    gimme ten and i'll type it out for you :)
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    ok mate :)
  • YellowYellow Posts: 699
    and now... i shall take leave of this place and go watch some bluegrass live :)


    you be well :)
    It's all yellow.


  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    you too yella friend:)
  • cassiacassia Posts: 277
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    Surge, river, roll out from the bend
    A whisper'd roar of lives, a start of light,
    Bright bodies, starlight stipples; lend
    a cry to wordless thoughts between each thought
    here, within an instant (here I lay
    gazing at a bank between the breaths
    I make, drinking those eyes within the play
    of sunkissed rivergleams and little deaths
    of light renewed by births, here, for all time).
    A wind!, a dream blown down to kiss a brow,
    a shimmering between the willows. Name
    the moment? Yes! The oxlip open so.
    I hear her name! The windkissed rushes bow:
    a light I've lived to breathe breathes in me now.

    Oh Finsbury~~while i love the openness of the earlier poem, this sonnet captures in its cadence, the lush density of clustered sound. Your sonnets really shine.....

    i appreciate your artistry and ear:

    the clean t's~~

    out
    start
    light
    bright
    starlight
    thought
    instant
    moment

    the rush of R's~~

    su{r}ge
    river
    roll
    whispe{r}'d
    ROAR
    b{r}ight
    star {light}
    cry and so-on throughout ( {Rich} beginning :) )

    smooth alliterations oh i love the bright-bodies and play of bank-breaths starlight-stipples bank-drinking-sunkissed (ahhh succulent k's)

    blown brow willow~open

    the slant rhyming of eyes & play~~~ (joy! and the sweet breath of small deaths and easy-breathed denouement~~twilit unconscious oui)

    a swirl of m's (humming, sensual!)

    gleam dream time moment
    shimmering moment make me (mortified and smoothed/ahh)

    oh i could go on & om.....ommm.....hummmmmmmm
    just wanted to point out, some, uh jewels

    "start of light/bright bodies/starlight stipples"
    ==perfect gems, Bravo ~~~
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I can only thank a certain person...she came to me as the poem. :)
  • cassiacassia Posts: 277
    my muse, too :)

    ahhhhhhhhhhhh blisswoven on clouds....
    surge on/
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    ...cascading blue ruby jewels, cass!....:)
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