The Christmas Squid In Your Fridge With Zeb and Zak :-)
FinsburyParkCarrots
Posts: 12,223
PRESENTER: Hello, good morning and welcome to a special Christmas edition of The Squid In Your Fridge. Today we discuss diversity of festive celebration over this holiday season, and interview two brothers who in the course of this yuletide will be honouring their own respective saturnalian practices. We go live to 98, The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, Sidcup, where the Squid is interviewing brothers Zeb and Zak Zeboogle at their home, to ask how they acknowledge and accommodate each others' festive customs.
(Cut to living room scene)
SQUID: So, brothers, tell me: Why is there a curtain partitioning you off from one another, across the middle of the room?
ZAK: Ask Zeb. It's this belief of his that he's made up. Cabovus. It involves getting up first thing in the morning and playing this Sammy Hagar album at full volume, Ten Thirteen, making all these vroom vroom noises, and wearing this false blonde perm wig and a spandex jump suit. He's got this mantra, "Ah'm a reeeeed rockaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa, c'mon lit's git dahn an' have a parrrrrrtttay" and from behind the curtain I can hear female voices, I swear I can, laughing and shouting "Rawwwwwwk Zebbie bayyyyby", and really, sometimes it gets pretty noisy. Red Rocking I ask you.
SQUID (to Zeb): And what do you say to these charges, Zebedee? Nice jump suit by the way.
ZEB (dancing): Forevvvah in blue agave dreeeeams, dude, we's rawwkin' dah house. Allow me to introduce Raquel - she's a deeply beautiful person from Miami Beach, Florida, we met when me and the boys wuzz jus' roundin' up our last reunion tour ...
RAQUEL (to Squid): Hiiii honey! Aren't you just an adorable lil' Squiddy Widdy? Yaaa. I've known Zebby here since he played that last Van Halen tribute thang down at the Palm Beach Boogie Palace Garden House Hotel Shack place. Ah tell yizz, the joint wuzz jumpin'.
SQUID: Er, I'm sure it was.
ZEB: And is Conquista, from Mexico City. She doesn't speak much but maaaaan, she daaaaances.
SQUID: Well hellooooo, Conquista! (To Zeb) Now, Zebedee --
Yassss, hit it, brother --
SQUID: Some people might say your particular festival is a little riotous and not in keeping with what others see as a time for quiet, reflective contemplation --
ZEB: Awwwww, like gitt wid duh scene, man. Check out the festival that Zak's got going on. Greyvius. He's wearing a grey shirt, grey trousers, grey socks, grey slippers, grey woollen fingerless gloves, grey nosehair and maaaan, grey tinted spectacles. Probably grey underpants too. But maaaaan, the worst of it is, he keeps this whole danged thang goin' all year long, writin' poetry about hail knows what.
SQUID: Yes, I confess it is a little drab.
ZAK: Only a little? Oh, I must be failing in my mission to abstain from all semblance of appearing interesting ... oh, I must endeavour to write a poem that conveys absolute absence of vitality, of levity, of humanity ... now, let me see ... let me intone a new composition, an incantation to a discarded fish and chip wrapper... "Verily thus the ink runneth where rain stains the tall/ biro scrawl on the chip packet, "one large chips, one small"/ and verily thus are my days, blown about the street/ like the grey, forgotten chip packet, underneath your feet". No! I've failed again! There's too much rhyme, metre, rhythm, bounce! I need something that flatlines as a consummate expression of Greyviusness!!! I've got it!!!! "Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, / durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,/ durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"!!! Yesss. I think I just might be onto something --
SQUID: Hey, Zeb!
ZEB: Yep????
SQUID:Open the curtain a sec. I'm coming in with you lot!!!!! Squid's gonna parttttayyyyyy!!!! I'm a Cabovus convert!!!! Let's have a liddle Van Halen twiddlin' goin' on ... Squiddy's feelin' like eruptin' on duh dancefloor!!! Hey, Conquista, the lady who says nothing, you have beautiful eyes. Let's dance and work dat thang!!!! Yeah baby!!! It's a Cabovus miracle, that's right!!! I'm converted!!!! Who needs Greyvius!!!! Let's git down!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, "Happy birthdayyyyyyyy tooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, uhhh huhhh!!! Rawwwwwkin' dis half of duh living room!!!!!!!!"
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
ZEB: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........
ZEB: Rawwwwwwwwwkkkkin!!!!!!!!!.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrrrr......
SQUID: And from all of us here at 98 The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, may we wish you.....
ALL: A VERY HAPPY CABOGREYVIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:cool:
(Cut to living room scene)
SQUID: So, brothers, tell me: Why is there a curtain partitioning you off from one another, across the middle of the room?
ZAK: Ask Zeb. It's this belief of his that he's made up. Cabovus. It involves getting up first thing in the morning and playing this Sammy Hagar album at full volume, Ten Thirteen, making all these vroom vroom noises, and wearing this false blonde perm wig and a spandex jump suit. He's got this mantra, "Ah'm a reeeeed rockaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa, c'mon lit's git dahn an' have a parrrrrrtttay" and from behind the curtain I can hear female voices, I swear I can, laughing and shouting "Rawwwwwwk Zebbie bayyyyby", and really, sometimes it gets pretty noisy. Red Rocking I ask you.
SQUID (to Zeb): And what do you say to these charges, Zebedee? Nice jump suit by the way.
ZEB (dancing): Forevvvah in blue agave dreeeeams, dude, we's rawwkin' dah house. Allow me to introduce Raquel - she's a deeply beautiful person from Miami Beach, Florida, we met when me and the boys wuzz jus' roundin' up our last reunion tour ...
RAQUEL (to Squid): Hiiii honey! Aren't you just an adorable lil' Squiddy Widdy? Yaaa. I've known Zebby here since he played that last Van Halen tribute thang down at the Palm Beach Boogie Palace Garden House Hotel Shack place. Ah tell yizz, the joint wuzz jumpin'.
SQUID: Er, I'm sure it was.
ZEB: And is Conquista, from Mexico City. She doesn't speak much but maaaaan, she daaaaances.
SQUID: Well hellooooo, Conquista! (To Zeb) Now, Zebedee --
Yassss, hit it, brother --
SQUID: Some people might say your particular festival is a little riotous and not in keeping with what others see as a time for quiet, reflective contemplation --
ZEB: Awwwww, like gitt wid duh scene, man. Check out the festival that Zak's got going on. Greyvius. He's wearing a grey shirt, grey trousers, grey socks, grey slippers, grey woollen fingerless gloves, grey nosehair and maaaan, grey tinted spectacles. Probably grey underpants too. But maaaaan, the worst of it is, he keeps this whole danged thang goin' all year long, writin' poetry about hail knows what.
SQUID: Yes, I confess it is a little drab.
ZAK: Only a little? Oh, I must be failing in my mission to abstain from all semblance of appearing interesting ... oh, I must endeavour to write a poem that conveys absolute absence of vitality, of levity, of humanity ... now, let me see ... let me intone a new composition, an incantation to a discarded fish and chip wrapper... "Verily thus the ink runneth where rain stains the tall/ biro scrawl on the chip packet, "one large chips, one small"/ and verily thus are my days, blown about the street/ like the grey, forgotten chip packet, underneath your feet". No! I've failed again! There's too much rhyme, metre, rhythm, bounce! I need something that flatlines as a consummate expression of Greyviusness!!! I've got it!!!! "Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, / durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,/ durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"!!! Yesss. I think I just might be onto something --
SQUID: Hey, Zeb!
ZEB: Yep????
SQUID:Open the curtain a sec. I'm coming in with you lot!!!!! Squid's gonna parttttayyyyyy!!!! I'm a Cabovus convert!!!! Let's have a liddle Van Halen twiddlin' goin' on ... Squiddy's feelin' like eruptin' on duh dancefloor!!! Hey, Conquista, the lady who says nothing, you have beautiful eyes. Let's dance and work dat thang!!!! Yeah baby!!! It's a Cabovus miracle, that's right!!! I'm converted!!!! Who needs Greyvius!!!! Let's git down!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, "Happy birthdayyyyyyyy tooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, uhhh huhhh!!! Rawwwwwkin' dis half of duh living room!!!!!!!!"
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
ZEB: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........
ZEB: Rawwwwwwwwwkkkkin!!!!!!!!!.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrrrr......
SQUID: And from all of us here at 98 The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, may we wish you.....
ALL: A VERY HAPPY CABOGREYVIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:cool:
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Comments
I've never been a curtain twitcher but I can see into people's living rooms across the road from here, and I don't see one string of tinsel, not one tree, not one coloured light.The light has a brightness one expects of February: perhaps this is why shops are advertising Valentine's cards already? Perhaps it's only foolishness in my heart, but I would some prelapsarian Christmas again.
Nevertheless, I need to get where I'm going and it's good that the road is virtually clear. I hit every green light and no one has pulled out in front of me.
The cold air is turning to warm here in the heartland. Still, the exhaust of each tail pipe is visible. My breath is also visible.
I sure hope that everyone shopping at Wal-Mart is satisfied. I know that if I was there, I would buy that huge bag of pop corn for just $1.00. That stuff is horrible.
I am home again. Let the motorists have the road. This coffee tastes delicious. I've got to finish off the Pumpkin Pie!
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
More of the play Finns...
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
Haha. Zeb's off to Barbados as a tax exile with the proceeds from The Christmas S.I.Y.F. (Squid In Your Fridge). We'll have to tempt him back with some tequila and pretty wimmins. As for Zak, I hear the grey period is over and he's currently auditioning for the part of a septic tank in Mrs Mabel Smidgeley's production of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, at the back of no.69, Chappaquiddick Drive, Newport Pagnel.
But I'll see what I can do to get them back before the pressures of fame overwhelm them. :cool:
Thanks, Ali.
Maybe your actors should join Actor's Equity Association so you can beef em up for the next run!
Love to u,
ali
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?