Poetry exercise: writing a villanelle
FinsburyParkCarrots
Posts: 12,223
A villanelle is a nineteen-line poem comprising five triplets and a quatrain. It will usually be rhymed aba aba aba aba aba abaa. It makes use of alternate repetition: for example, the first line of the first stanza will be repeated as the third line in the second stanza, and the third line of the first stanza will be repeated as the third line of the third stanza.
Here's WH Auden's poem Villanelle:
Time can say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
There are no fortunes to be told, although
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
Suppose the lions all get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away?
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
______
Please write your own villanelle(s) and share them with us.
Here's WH Auden's poem Villanelle:
Time can say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
There are no fortunes to be told, although
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
Suppose the lions all get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away?
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
If I could tell you, I would let you know.
______
Please write your own villanelle(s) and share them with us.
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My actions have set me apart from you
Some words when spoken can't be taken back
The path is well trodden but I've lost track
It seems there is nothing I can do
Once divided...nothing left to subtract
I search myself for what it is I lack
I find the nothingness inside rings true
Some words when spoken can't be taken back
As the sun goes down, colors fade to black
Still it seems my world is painted blue
Once divided...nothing left to subtract
Your spoken words were not based in fact
Your traitor lips betrayed what your heart knew
Some words when spoken can't be taken back
It is my turn, now, to pick up the slack
Not to worry about what may ensue
Once divided...nothing left to subtract
Some words when spoken can't be taken back
Note: read "based" in the fifth triplet as two syllabled
When we have dreamt this sleep of days
nothing shall ever oppose our hopes,
and waking we shall find death erased.
Sleeping in sun, in swollen rays.
Sending out sighs to scope -
when we will dream this sleep of days.
Love, only fill me with your gaze!
before death and I elope,
and waking you shall find death erased.
Walking through night the music plays;
we hum silently. (For words we won't grope)
when we have dreamt this sleep of days.
I labour for love, but love always strays.
I'm sleeping and dreaming and climbing a slope
but waking I shall find death erased.
Oh, you have my heart in softened stays,
and your voice is its gorgeous rope.
Hang me, and even then I will praise,
when we have dreamt this sleep of days.
Oh, i'm sorry. I didn't mean the meter. I didn't even pay attention to the meter. What I meant was you didn't follow the pattern of alternating repeating lines (google villanelle). Don't feel bad. A villanelle is very hard to write (in fact, one could argue that they are silly and arbitrary). Unless you're god, a villanelle should really be approached as an exercise. You can count on one hand the number of poets who have written villanelles that are truely great poems.
P.S. I always read but I rarely respond and I feel obligated to tell you that I always enjoy reading your work.
boo.....shoo.....moderators.....short....10 characters
Waves
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
Recalled by natures rhythmic meter of time
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law
Such smoothly silent bodies seem demure
For in fright and grievance lies the unheard chime
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
Felt as an echoe from within its deepest core
A message of promise with untold crime
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law
In such fears the truth is born
from a silent knowledge that is mine
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
I'm going to try the last two stanzas later.
It is tough. It's probably easier to write line-by-line poetry as a villanelle but if you're thinking about maintaining some kind of syntagmatic order, as you'd find in syntactical prose, the repetition of lines jars the communicative act.
Keep going!
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
Recalled by natures rhythmic meter of time
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law
Such smoothly silent bodies seem demure
For in fright and grievance lies the unheard chime
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
Felt as an echoe from within its deepest core
A message of promise with untold crime
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law
In such fears the truth is born
From a silent knowledge that is divine
A wave courts the sparkling shimmering shore
The rolling swell idling surely from moor to moor
Is fixed eternally to its mothers shine
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law
Rippled brothers pulsing over ocean floor
Reading fathoms shudders formed trace in mime
Whos angered crest and boiling surf leaves one thing sure
As a lunar tremor memorised in tidal law.
Got more enjoyable in the end, might try one once a month. I could imagine spending a long time on one trying to get it to feel right.
The Child is the Father to the Man,
The Father envies his long lost youth,
As the Children play as Peter Pan.
Worn out footsteps covered by the sand,
Tries to forget his wrongs and yet the truth,
The Child is the Father to the Man.
The Father works out his financial plan,
While Mother strives to retain her youth,
As the Children play as Peter Pan.
Wicked Brother does all that he can
To rob his Father's fortune nail and tooth,
The Child is the Father to the Man.
I'm through with tears and I have my plan,
For the greed I've seen has not been smooth,
As the Children play as Peter Pan.
I will find sunlight and burn to a tan,
And peace will abide with me forsooth,
The Child is the Father to the Man,
As the Children play as Peter Pan.
____
much of this was written to get through the excersise so don't try to find too much depth.. but thanks for reading
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
Finsbury, you make it sound like a little cake
I've really enjoyed reading everyone's villanelles. Gonna try one too
I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.