Exercise

brain of c

oh my god.

get a life.

or just do too many drugs.

burtschips

Bu2 wrote:

Most of us onions do. And life was good, it really was, even though we lived in dirt. We got water, we got conversation, we got plenty of sleep. And then one day I saw my dad get picked clean out of the dirt, and it was a horrifying sight. Mama shriveled up and woulda died an old weed but that she knew we'd need her.

And then Aunt and Uncle Onion got dug up, and my little cousins too.

Mama finally went mad after that. Me and my brothers and sisters had more room, so we didn't mind losing our cousins. But we sure did miss Mama's pungeant clarity. She really added a bite to our conversations, up until then.

Wasn't until my oldest sister stopped being a pearl and went Spanish on us, that we learned what life was all about. She practically thrust herself out of the ground, went rolling around, hanging out with peppers (not just the green ones, but the red ones too) till she found a bar. Jumped into a dry martini, slithered out of her yellow bikini, and swam for a good hour.

Then she came home, told us all we were stupid for being sober and smart, and the next thing you know, we were all hooked on dry vermouth.

Been pickled ever since.

he he ... i'm pickeld now... ughhhhh. stinkin hang over.

Being Enlightened

Sigh, eez det peekulled unyuns ya gah dere?

Er, uh, yeza.

Eer, eer, 'and 'em ova so as Oi ken 'av a gendah. Mmmm, eee-ess, jas' as Oi remembah dem. Beeeuafoh!!! Eee-ooo moine iv Oi er, *cough* ohpin 'er up an' 'avs me a wee sniff, mae?

Uh, wayoh, um, maekit kwik, mae.

Sheez!

Oh! *sniff* thy smayoh grite! *sniff* Oh, kye jas' 'av un wee bitty unyun?

ABSULLOOTLEE NAUT!

Wha, baddy ruhlex aye? Ruhlex, yea.

Oi'd loike 'em beck aye. Sow, um, eee-ooo 'hand 'em beck purrruntoh y'eer?

Aye, Oi jas' wahned a sniff a yer unyuns, Oi din eeevin ged me 'lil finga wed! SAE! 'Eer, 'av yer bleedin' unyuns beck ye saufish bahsterd!!! *sniff*

FAK EEE-OOO VARY MUTCH, STCHOOPID SHITE!!!!!!!

Troin' a tek moi wee puhdees unyuns 'way. Dem ket ull shet ole ova moi godedem fohlorin'!! Shood kew dat dem ket's wuh Oi shood dew!?!?!?!

DopeBeastie

hey girl! this is great!

'ave you read Tobacco Road????

jboelhow

The darkness was peppered with candlelight. A quietness underlined with suppressed laughter met the recruits. Jason couldn’t believe he was standing there, naked except for the tube sock that covered his manhood. They had ten minutes to open up a jar of pickled onions. The jars, 12 of them, sat in a circle on the floor. For every minute it took them to open up their jar they had to take a shot of Johnnie Walker Gold. One big catch, they couldn’t use their hands. Jason smiled. But a smile of discomfort. Is this what it takes to make friends? How does this prove he is worthy of this fraternity? He looked at the shadowed upperclassmen. He could see the bond between them, forged by activities like this, but he saw it also yesterday. The annual flag football BBQ. The recruits gave them a run, but the upperclassman worked so well together. Then the BBQ. No one got stupid drunk and the night was filled with laughter and camaraderie.
Jason only had three shots of Johnnie Walker.

exhale

Sitting on the edge of a five story building, Jack and George were discussing current issues concerning the company they both worked for.

“Pickled onions?! Do you think this is going to solve my problems?? “ Cried Jack, not being entirely sure what his friend was actually aiming at.

George was becoming impatient with Jack´s endless moaning and complaining about what happened at the office a couple of days ago.
“Oh come on, keep your pants on! It´s not as bad as it looks and besides, you still have plenty of time to deal with it next week whilst you´re in Brighton.”

Jack on the other hand was expecting his colleague and his lifelong, trusted friend to be a bit more helpful in this terrible situation.
“Right, so you´re saying I should just forget about it and not worry about the consequences until I´m in Brighton?

“Precisely,” retuned George.

“Have you gone bonkers mate?! You must bare in mind that I haven´t been with the company for too long and if I get sacked because of this my wife is going to rip my head off!!”

“Awright mate, this is what we do: let me talk to the boss first, he´ll go easy on me. Then we sort things out before you head off to Brighton and if you want I can also talk to your wife,” replied George somewhat sarcastically which, of course, upset Jack even more: “YOU…..!!!!”

George: “Some pickled onions to throw at the pedestrians?”

;-)

dunkman

In an ever-decaying world, devoid of vital substances such as oil, water and gold, pickled onions had become the new economy. Gangs of vinegar soaked pensioners roamed the land like only gangs of pensioners could… really fucking slowly. Due to the life-preserving qualities of the magical juice that held the pickled onions in a state of immortality, smearing their skin with this lotion of life did the same to the pensioners.

Agnes, the leader, was 314 years old and she wasn’t going to let the youth of Britain and developing nations like Legoland, destroy her dream… a world of old people!!! A place where the weather was to be discussed by law, a land full of bus stops with errant gloves perched atop small walls. A land where the whiff of urine meant respect! A land where the senile had ultimate power, and all the young were treated with contempt!

reeferchief

His eyes were like pickled onions, he'd been in the pub all day, "twenty pints of lager", I heard a fellow drinker say, at half nine the bar made wandered over, " I'm not serving you again today", he fell from of his barstool, got back up and stumbled away.
In the morning the newspaper, said all it had to say, drunken man run over, in the street he'd strayed.

Is the fact it rhymes a good enough excuse not to have 150 words?:)

reeferchief

Bump

FinsburyParkCarrots

Haha, bump. I'm rehearsing like fook for a gig right now. I'm rewriting lyrics like a mad thing. I'll get round to this soon.