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Offering

FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
edited December 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
My whiteblue bird, head bobbing in his seeds
and giggling from his smiling beak is more
in breath, and song, a poem than the long
half-unread, unremembered of verse
I’ve made to claim a name in words that whirl.

My gold vale love, hair flowing in the dawn
as honey meadows wave in sun is more
in kiss, and touch, a poem than the long
histories of words that scratch at abstract things
we think will find us wisdom, in the end.

My whiteblue bird, my gold vale love, you two
Are all the poetry I need to know.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    delighteous emotivations, sir
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,265
    You know, I think I'm starting to understand you, Fins :) Cute poem.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • EvilToasterElfEvilToasterElf Posts: 1,119
    Ah the benefits of a classical education, I love the beauty of your cynicism
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    "words that whirl"

    Fins: thanks for sharing. Thanks for showing us how well it can be done.

    (no sarcasm. 'tis genuine)
    .........................................................................
  • twin2twin2 Posts: 894
    EvilToasterElf wrote:
    Ah the benefits of a classical education, I love the beauty of your cynicism

    I wish I did have the benefits of a classical education, but I too liked this one.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    It's a love poem. There's nothing cynical in admitting that one's beloved is more a poem than all one could write for them. :)
  • grooveamaticgrooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    It's a love poem. There's nothing cynical in admitting that one's beloved is more a poem than all one could write for them. :)

    agreed. I saw no cynicism....quite the opposite, in fact.
    .........................................................................
  • dyaogirldyaogirl Posts: 138
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    My whiteblue bird, head bobbing in his seeds
    and giggling from his smiling beak is more
    in breath, and song, a poem than the long
    half-unread, unremembered of verse
    I’ve made to claim a name in words that whirl.

    My gold vale love, hair flowing in the dawn
    as honey meadows wave in sun is more
    in kiss, and touch, a poem than the long
    histories of words that scratch at abstract things
    we think will find us wisdom, in the end.

    My whiteblue bird, my gold vale love, you two
    Are all the poetry I need to know.

    Words and sensations ummmm …….the warm fluid seduction in language that a love poem brings

    Love,
    dyaogirl
    '..... Ah! A perfect illustration of the poststructuralist paradox. Does the signifier "Merlot" correspond with the 'truth' of the bottle I polished off last night, or do we hold in our thoughts a different "signified" of bottle-of-Merlot-ness? Perhaps we're dreaming of the same bottle!" -FinsburyParkCarrots

  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    dyaogirl wrote:
    Words and sensations ummmm …….the warm fluid seduction in language that a love poem brings

    Love,
    dyaogirl

    My poem is for you and for a whiteblue birdie too. :)


    Love,
    your Fins
  • trappedinmyradiotrappedinmyradio Posts: 1,189
    ah yes, i like this very much. i wish i could get my head to stop counting it though. ha.
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    You mean those iambs? ;)
  • trappedinmyradiotrappedinmyradio Posts: 1,189
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    You mean those iambs? ;)

    yes...it's a compulsion for me...i count everything...which is why i try to stay away from it.
    I'll dig a tunnel
    from my window to yours
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Finns.I like this one.Can never get enough from the man who claims to never write about love.:;)

    p.S. Are you related to Billy Waite?:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ali wrote:
    Finns.I like this one.Can never get enough from the man who claims to never write about love.:;)

    p.S. Are you related to Billy Waite?:)

    Could be, you never know. Who is he? :cool:
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    I like this love poem finsbury! :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Could be, you never know. Who is he? :cool:
    Billy Waite is Shakespeare.:)I love watching those shows,being I was a theatre major,maybe still am...but...that was his pen name.Now weve both learned something.:)Merry Christmas Finns.:)To you and your fam.
    ps.I need a smoke.
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    Ali wrote:
    Billy Waite is Shakespeare.:)I love watching those shows,being I was a theatre major,maybe still am...but...that was his pen name.Now weve both learned something.:)Merry Christmas Finns.:)To you and your fam.
    ps.I need a smoke.
    Pss...I'm on my space if you want to drop by,love. http://www.myspace/allisonvigh.com

    I'd like to check out your songs.

    PPsssHave you given any thought to still putting up your radio gig?
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Err, I'm ready to broadcast whenever you fookers send me something!
  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Err, I'm ready to broadcast whenever you fookers send me something!
    I'll send you something right now...give me an email addy here or on Pm,
    my love....
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    It's a love poem. There's nothing cynical in admitting that one's beloved is more a poem than all one could write for them. :)


    :) Nope, not at all! :) LOVEly poem, Finsy!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,410
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Err, I'm ready to broadcast whenever you fookers send me something!

    Ahh!!
    Now I'm feeling guilty that I haven't made you some mp3s. ;)

    I'll try to get on it over the semester break, okay?
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    justam wrote:
    Ahh!!
    Now I'm feeling guilty that I haven't made you some mp3s. ;)

    I'll try to get on it over the semester break, okay?

    Fine! I'm tempted to do an hour's broadcast later tonight, just for the hell of it.

    *Thinks*

    Do you think non copyrighted (ie officially unreleased) live material by a certain dead rock star is broadcastable in a test transmission? Just thinking aloud ... ;)


    Edit. Better not chance it.
  • Ian MIan M Posts: 123
    This one surfs well on its surprises.
    If that makes any sense...
    I liked it a lot. It sounded as though it was written both fast and slow.
    Am I right?
    http://ruggedindoorsman.wordpress.com
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Yes, I wrote it in a few minutes but I used a few long vowels, as one often finds in lovey stuff.
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