Got a brand new song

FinsburyParkCarrots

Born about an hour ago. It's called "The Nature of a Game".


I knew a man, who sang in whirling words, sat at the bar:
his topic was, "The nature of the game."
Were those miles of foot, or mind, he'd journeyed? Still, he'd travelled far:
enough to tell us, we were all the same.

"You might have different names, but as you come, and as you go,
your pettinesses lead you down one road,
where clouds of death will dull your little colours and your show.
My eyes have weighed you, and your shallow load."

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.

"I've seen men who hallow faithfulness, whose eyes are first to stray.
I've seen men of freedom, keep a private slave.
I've seen turnarounds, signposted as a third and better way.
I've seen palace banquets, headed by a knave.

'I've seen gold, define the gleam that flashes in a preacher's eyes.
I've seen you think of it, as missionary zeal.
I've seen rebels, bribed and silenced, to preserve a norm of lies.
I've seen you wish away your right, to act and feel."

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.

The man had skin so thin, it showed the hollow at the core:
His grim veneer of grey, a case of dust.
His fingers clasped an empty glass, he wanted filled no more.
His lips were dry and white, long done with lust.

I looked up to a mirror, which was hanging overhead.
I saw my glass was empty, quite the same.
Closing time was called. All, filed away. No more was said,
and night unlearned the nature of the game.

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.


---
Copyright, you know who, 2006

moreandmore

Good job! Reads Dylanesque... Actually, I can hear Dylan doing this. Are you sure you're not Bob?

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ah, a philosophical question. I write, therefore I'm Bob.

moreandmore

Hello Bob...

nice to meet you


I'm more

Ms. Haiku

I really like the thought in your lyrics, which is why I think it's ok for me to write . . . the list that starts "I've . . " it's like you gave up or that's the youngest part of the song. You are able to story tell so well in your lyrics, Fins.

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I really like the thought in your lyrics, which is why I think it's ok for me to write . . . the list that starts "I've . . " it's like you gave up or that's the youngest part of the song. You are able to story tell so well in your lyrics, Fins.

I wrote the song all in order. I was thinking that the man in bar would go into a reverie, and recount all he'd seen. Moreandmore mentioned Dylan: maybe the reverie is a little like the "I've seen..." list, in "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall", or the list in Ginsberg's "Howl". That wasn't the conscious intention at the time of writing, but I can certainly see the connection, on a second look.

Repetition of a phrase, at the beginning of successive lines, is a rhetoric device called anaphora. It works well in song, I feel!

I had my twelve string on my knee as I wrote that. It's fun, when words and music come together at once. And a bit of a relief, too. Saves a bit of work!

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

Repetition of a phrase, at the beginning of successive lines, is a rhetoric device called anaphora. It works well in song, I feel!

Yep, I've heard of using repitition as a poetic/rhetoric device, but I'm not the biggest fan of anaphora.

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ms. Haiku wrote:

Yep, I've heard of using repitition as a poetic/rhetoric device, but I'm not the biggest fan of anaphora.

How about epistrophe? repetition at the end? I suppose sestinas use a sophisticated and subtle variant of this.

Ms. Haiku

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

How about epistrophe? repetition at the end? I suppose sestinas use a sophisticated and subtle variant of this.

I don't think much in literature rubs me the wrong way like a anaphora. So, disregard what I wrote about your song except that I think you are a great storyteller

FinsburyParkCarrots

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I don't think much in literature rubs me the wrong way like a anaphora. /quote]

What about Shakespeare's Sonnet 66? Those ands are pretty good.

Ali

Nice finns:)Very good reference to your character as well,...BUT<

COULD YOU PLEASE TELL TONY BLAIR WE STILL NEED HIM?:D

great writing as usual.

justam

I like reading the words, but I'd rather hear you sing it.

pickupyourwill

awesome read, FPC!

FinsburyParkCarrots

Well, thank you! I hope it's a good listen, too. I just emailed a friend who has a recording studio, up in Doncaster, to say I'm up for putting down an album's worth of acoustic stuff, very soon.

olderman

the last verse is brilliant.

The man had skin so thin, it showed the hollow at the core:
His grim veneer of grey, a case of dust.
His fingers clasped an empty glass, he wanted filled no more.
His lips were dry and white, long done with lust.

I looked up to a mirror, which was hanging overhead.
I saw my glass was empty, quite the same.
Closing time was called. All, filed away. No more was said,
and night unlearned the nature of the game.

carry on fins.

kdpjam

FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:

Born about an hour ago. It's called "The Nature of a Game".


I knew a man, who sang in whirling words, sat at the bar:
his topic was, "The nature of the game."
Were those miles of foot, or mind, he'd journeyed? Still, he'd travelled far:
enough to tell us, we were all the same.

"You might have different names, but as you come, and as you go,
your pettinesses lead you down one road,
where clouds of death will dull your little colours and your show.
My eyes have weighed you, and your shallow load."

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.

"I've seen men who hallow faithfulness, whose eyes are first to stray.
I've seen men of freedom, keep a private slave.
I've seen turnarounds, signposted as a third and better way.
I've seen palace banquets, headed by a knave.

'I've seen gold, define the gleam that flashes in a preacher's eyes.
I've seen you think of it, as missionary zeal.
I've seen rebels, bribed and silenced, to preserve a norm of lies.
I've seen you wish away your right, to act and feel."

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.

The man had skin so thin, it showed the hollow at the core:
His grim veneer of grey, a case of dust.
His fingers clasped an empty glass, he wanted filled no more.
His lips were dry and white, long done with lust.

I looked up to a mirror, which was hanging overhead.
I saw my glass was empty, quite the same.
Closing time was called. All, filed away. No more was said,
and night unlearned the nature of the game.

Chorus: "It's the nature of the game":
It's just an empty man's refrain.
"It's just the nature of the game."
I remember the chorus, just the same.


---
Copyright, you know who, 2006

thanks, fins.