The Christmas Squid In Your Fridge (w/ Zeb & Zak)
FinsburyParkCarrots
Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
PRESENTER: Hello, good morning and welcome to a special Christmas edition of The Squid In Your Fridge. Today we discuss diversity of festive celebration over this holiday season, and interview two brothers who in the course of this yuletide will be honouring their own respective saturnalian practices. We go live to 98, The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, Sidcup, where the Squid is interviewing brothers Zeb and Zak Zeboogle at their home, to ask how they acknowledge and accommodate each others' festive customs.
(Cut to living room scene)
SQUID: So, brothers, tell me: Why is there a curtain partitioning you off from one another, across the middle of the room?
ZAK: Ask Zeb. It's this belief of his that he's made up. Cabovus. It involves getting up first thing in the morning and playing this Sammy Hagar album at full volume, Ten Thirteen, making all these vroom vroom noises, and wearing this false blonde perm wig and a spandex jump suit. He's got this mantra, "Ah'm a reeeeed rockaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa, c'mon lit's git dahn an' have a parrrrrrtttay" and from behind the curtain I can hear people, I swear I can, laughing and shouting "Rawwwwwwk Zebbie bayyyyby", and really, sometimes it gets pretty noisy. Red Rocking I ask you.
SQUID (to Zeb): And what do you say to these charges, Zebedee? Nice jump suit by the way.
ZEB (dancing): Forevvvah in blue agave dreeeeams, dude, we's rawwkin' dah house. Allow me to introduce Raquel - she's a deeply beautiful person from Miami Beach, Florida, we met when me and the boys wuzz jus' roundin' up our last reunion tour ...
RAQUEL (to Squid): Hiiii honey! Aren't you just an adorable lil' Squiddy Widdy? Yaaa. I've known Zebby here since he played that last Van Halen tribute thang down at the Palm Beach Boogie Palace Garden House Hotel Shack place. Ah tell yizz, the joint wuzz jumpin'.
SQUID: Er, I'm sure it was.
ZEB: And this is Conquista, from Mexico City. She doesn't speak much but maaaaan, she daaaaances sweetly.
SQUID: Well hellooooo, Conquista! (To Zeb) Now, Zebedee --
ZEB: Yassss, hit it, brother --
SQUID: Some people might say your particular festival is a little riotous and not in keeping with what others see as a time for quiet, reflective contemplation --
ZEB: Awwwww, like gitt wid duh scene, man. Check out the festival that Zak's got going on. Greyvius. He's wearing a grey shirt, grey trousers, grey socks, grey slippers, grey woollen fingerless gloves, grey nosehair and maaaan, grey tinted spectacles. Probably grey long johns too. But maaaaan, the worst of it is, he keeps this whole danged thang goin' all year long, writin' poetry about hail knows what.
SQUID: Yes, I confess it is a little drab.
ZAK: Only a little? Oh, I must be failing in my mission to abstain from all semblance of appearing interesting ... Yea, I must endeavour to write a poem that conveys absolute absence of vitality, of levity, of humanity ... now, let me see ... let me intone a new composition, an incantation to a discarded fish and chip wrapper... "Verily thus the ink runneth where rain stains the tall/ biro scrawl on the chip packet, one large chips, one small/ and verily thus are my days, blown about the street/ like the grey, forgotten chip packet, underneath your feet". No! I've failed again! There's too much rhyme, metre, rhythm, bounce! I need something that flatlines as a consummate expression of Greyviusness!!! I've got it!!!! "Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, / durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,/ durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"!!! Yesss. I think I just might be onto something --
SQUID: Hey, Zeb!
ZEB: Yep?!!
SQUID:Open the curtain a sec. I'm coming in with you lot!!!!! Squid's gonna parttttayyyyyy!!!! I'm a Cabovus convert!!!! Let's have a liddle Van Halen twiddlin' goin' on ... Squiddy's feelin' like eruptin' on duh dancefloor!!! Hey, Conquista, the lady who says nothing, you have beautiful eyes. Let's dance and work dat thang!!!! Yeah baby!!! It's a Cabovus miracle, that's right!!! Who needs Greyvius!!!! Let's git down!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, "Happy birthdayyyyyyyy tooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, uhhh huhhh!!! Rawwwwwkin' dis half of duh living room!!!!!!!!"
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
ZEB: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........
ZEB: Rawwwwwwwwwkkkkin!!!!!!!!!.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrrrr......
SQUID: And from all of us here at 98 The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, may we wish you.....
ALL: A VERY HAPPY CABOGREYVIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Cut to living room scene)
SQUID: So, brothers, tell me: Why is there a curtain partitioning you off from one another, across the middle of the room?
ZAK: Ask Zeb. It's this belief of his that he's made up. Cabovus. It involves getting up first thing in the morning and playing this Sammy Hagar album at full volume, Ten Thirteen, making all these vroom vroom noises, and wearing this false blonde perm wig and a spandex jump suit. He's got this mantra, "Ah'm a reeeeed rockaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa, c'mon lit's git dahn an' have a parrrrrrtttay" and from behind the curtain I can hear people, I swear I can, laughing and shouting "Rawwwwwwk Zebbie bayyyyby", and really, sometimes it gets pretty noisy. Red Rocking I ask you.
SQUID (to Zeb): And what do you say to these charges, Zebedee? Nice jump suit by the way.
ZEB (dancing): Forevvvah in blue agave dreeeeams, dude, we's rawwkin' dah house. Allow me to introduce Raquel - she's a deeply beautiful person from Miami Beach, Florida, we met when me and the boys wuzz jus' roundin' up our last reunion tour ...
RAQUEL (to Squid): Hiiii honey! Aren't you just an adorable lil' Squiddy Widdy? Yaaa. I've known Zebby here since he played that last Van Halen tribute thang down at the Palm Beach Boogie Palace Garden House Hotel Shack place. Ah tell yizz, the joint wuzz jumpin'.
SQUID: Er, I'm sure it was.
ZEB: And this is Conquista, from Mexico City. She doesn't speak much but maaaaan, she daaaaances sweetly.
SQUID: Well hellooooo, Conquista! (To Zeb) Now, Zebedee --
ZEB: Yassss, hit it, brother --
SQUID: Some people might say your particular festival is a little riotous and not in keeping with what others see as a time for quiet, reflective contemplation --
ZEB: Awwwww, like gitt wid duh scene, man. Check out the festival that Zak's got going on. Greyvius. He's wearing a grey shirt, grey trousers, grey socks, grey slippers, grey woollen fingerless gloves, grey nosehair and maaaan, grey tinted spectacles. Probably grey long johns too. But maaaaan, the worst of it is, he keeps this whole danged thang goin' all year long, writin' poetry about hail knows what.
SQUID: Yes, I confess it is a little drab.
ZAK: Only a little? Oh, I must be failing in my mission to abstain from all semblance of appearing interesting ... Yea, I must endeavour to write a poem that conveys absolute absence of vitality, of levity, of humanity ... now, let me see ... let me intone a new composition, an incantation to a discarded fish and chip wrapper... "Verily thus the ink runneth where rain stains the tall/ biro scrawl on the chip packet, one large chips, one small/ and verily thus are my days, blown about the street/ like the grey, forgotten chip packet, underneath your feet". No! I've failed again! There's too much rhyme, metre, rhythm, bounce! I need something that flatlines as a consummate expression of Greyviusness!!! I've got it!!!! "Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, / durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,/ durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"!!! Yesss. I think I just might be onto something --
SQUID: Hey, Zeb!
ZEB: Yep?!!
SQUID:Open the curtain a sec. I'm coming in with you lot!!!!! Squid's gonna parttttayyyyyy!!!! I'm a Cabovus convert!!!! Let's have a liddle Van Halen twiddlin' goin' on ... Squiddy's feelin' like eruptin' on duh dancefloor!!! Hey, Conquista, the lady who says nothing, you have beautiful eyes. Let's dance and work dat thang!!!! Yeah baby!!! It's a Cabovus miracle, that's right!!! Who needs Greyvius!!!! Let's git down!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaa, "Happy birthdayyyyyyyy tooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, uhhh huhhh!!! Rawwwwwkin' dis half of duh living room!!!!!!!!"
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
ZEB: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........
ZEB: Rawwwwwwwwwkkkkin!!!!!!!!!.......
ZAK: Durrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrr durrrrrrrrrrr......
SQUID: And from all of us here at 98 The Larches, Wagtail Crescent, may we wish you.....
ALL: A VERY HAPPY CABOGREYVIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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