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catefrances

i cant do this anymore
it aches just to be here
and i am alone
i know i pushed everyone away
but now i desperately need someone
and theres no one
i cant pretend anymore
i cant fake being friends
i cant do this
i dont want to do this
someone once said to me
if i want to do it
i should just do it
and you know what
hes right.
hes so totally right
that self absorbed bastard was absolutely right
at the time twas like he punched me in the head
cause back then i thought he cared
maybe he does
i dont know
it never felt like he did, not really
there was always doubt
he said he loved me
i believed him
it must have been such a gift to him when you came back
the perfect opportunity
(not that he really needed one)
to walk away from a friendship he didnt really want
that required too much of his precious time to maintain
but i know he was already gone
ive known it for so long now
when i think of what it wouldve taken from him
just one word
one word of encouragement
and i would have smiled
he hoped your return would bring happiness to me
how could he have been so stoopid to think that
how could he have known me all that time and not really have known me at all
i am so desperate that i thought i could be just your friend
and now i dont think i can
i have all this shit inside me and i need someone to listen
i need to be able to speak with you whenever i need to and we cant have that
circumstances don’t allow it
and im not the one who doesn’t want that to change
i know you mihgt not think thats fair of me to say
but too bad, i said it
what have i got to lose anyway?
i need someone to tell me it will be alright even when i know its a lie
this is all just too much
and i cant do it alone
i thought i could
but i just cant
i need someone with me
But nobody is
its not gonna be alright
its never gonna be alright
not so long as im here
i need to go away from here
for it to stop