fall

catefrances

he walks in he walks out
he doesnt see the writing on the wall
smells like...........what?
the air is musty
and no ones opened a window for months
the cat meows for milk even a witch's teat wouldnt give up
the generator kicks in and the sound of stale heat rises from the basement
under the windows outside in a frozen garden flowers hang their heads in resignation
and even the spiders seem to have given up
the crunch of gravel underfoot is what allows him respite from a death he's not quite grasped
he wonders as he often does how long it would be before he was found
she said she'd often thought the same thing
but of course he meant more to them than she did
or so she told him
the hand he'd run along her skin would make her shiver
and when he said she was the reason he was till here, she didnt smile
to her it didnt seem like much of a reason at all
the wind blew through the tops the trees and he swore he could hear the words
the leaves all red and gold and brown
as the shadows grew, she took his hand and led him inside
with no curtains on the windows, the house was lit by the pale twilight
but not for long.
before they knew it, darkness would fall and they'd be gone.

catefrances

the moon rose over the mountains. it turned the world silver. he stood at the window and watched the night. his hand absently caressing his bare belly. she came up behind him wrapping her arms around his waist. he rested his hands on hers. her chin against his shoulder. she felt his breaths and wondered what he was thinking. he got silent like this and these days even moreso. the wind whipped up making the house groan. a door slammed somewhere within the house, but neither of them moved. the baby cried. she made a move. he told her to stay. she did. as he spoke she could feel him slipping away. his tone resigned. to what, she wasnt really sure. the baby continued to cry. this time when she made a move, he let her go. he listened to her footsteps on the wooden stairs and then heard her soothing tones as she settled the child. he crossed the room and took his instrument from where it lay discarded in a fit of inertiatic longing. he had no idea what he was doing anymore. it disturbed him and he knew it disturbed her.

catefrances

now it was her turn to stand at the window staring into the night. their child asleep against her shoulder. so much like her father. she watched him as he paced the gravel drive. his agitation showing through with what looked like to her a conversation with his invisible self. he still wore his pyjama bottoms. his chest still bare. if he felt the cold, he showed no signs. his thinness screamed to her, but she knew shed done all she could. she knew she couldnt get him to do anything he didnt want to do. his desire to be gone was too strong. but still he held on as if waiting for something. anything. what, she didnt know. he disappeared from her view. a patch of yellow lit the drive and she heard a door close. she could hear him downstairs. returning the baby to her crib, she went to him.

catefrances

when she awoke he was not beside her. this was not unusual. she was not concerned. she looked across the room and saw the baby watching her from behind the bars of her crib. she could hear no stirring from within the house. she swung her legs off the bed and touched her feet to the cold floorboards. the baby called her. this new speech made her smile. every day this little life gave up a gift such as this. and it never ceased to amaze the young mother. pulling on her robe she went to her daughter and took her in her arms. the day started with these two together and it would end with them together, alone. he did not show all day.

catefrances

and so she waits. like a fisherwife keeping watch for a swordfish boat. she stares out to the horizon. she paces. she wonders what he is doing. she doesnt wonder where he is. the fact that he is not here, with her is enough. where he is is irrelevant. at least to her it seems so. she holds her child close and soothingly(for the sake of herself or the child she doesnt quite know) tells her he'll return. daddy will return. though whether he'll be whole she doesnt know. she doubts it but she hopes. every noise she hears amplifies the loss she feels inside. she aches. for him. for them. for their daughter. she thought that when she stepped into the light, he would follow. how deluded she was. now she saw what he was doing as the truth. for a brief time he denied himself. when it became too much he returned to what he found comforting. she remained deluded. and now here she was waiting...

catefrances

the days are longer and the nights, shorter without him around. it has been nearly two weeks and she's had no word. she senses someone knows something but she can't get them to say anything. so she tends to her daughter and pretends he's just gone on vacation. she knows its not her he's hiding from but still the thought can't help but creep into her head. it is an irrational thought. he is an irrational person. she thinks one can not apply any rationality to feelings and emotions. did he not think she sometimes felt the need to disappear? aah... and there it is. she is angry at him for denying her the opportunity he has given himself. someone has to be here for the child. someone has to be in control. someone has to be here to deflect the questions asked. and that someone is not him. she sees it can never be him.

catefrances

he lies staring at the ceiling. he lies curled into a ball on his side. he can't find comfort. he sees things that aren't there. he hears the voices of people he loves. people he hates. people he doesn't even know. he tries to ignore them all. but there is one voice above all the others that speaks the loudest. and it is this one he trie to ignore. he thinks of what he has done and whether he can make it right. he thinks of her. he knows she is thinking of him. he thought it would be enough. to have someone who loves you. who shares your life unconditionally as she does. when the child was born he was torn. he held this new life in his hands as the life within him slipped away. a tiny new person with her whole life in front of her. and him with no life at all. he tried. he tried every single day to make it work. but in the end he just hated himself and everything that he had become.