catalina.

catefrances

he went away so long ago that she hardly thinks of him anymore. but when she does, it comes with a purpose. the object of her desire has been replaced by a need. a need to feel. it all seems so simple. it rarely is. she drowns herself to lose her mind. to forget everything that he was. her teacher. her lover. her master. her slave. but in the end all he could be was her reason to die. his smile. his touch. his cold blue eyes. she sits in the dark, the curtains drawn. the television on but the sound's turned down. the blue light flickers against her skin as she stares into nothingness. she hasn't been out of the house in nearly a month. the cat has long gone someplace else to be fed. the cold comes in through a crack in the window. she sighs and stands. the kimono she is wearing falls open, revealing alabaster breasts that have become sacred through the lack of a man's touch. absent mindedly she traces the scar on her belly. but she makes no attempt to cover her body. she walks through the house listening to nothing. the silence envelopes her. she draws a bath and watches the steam rise of the surface. as she sinks her foot beneath the water she resists the urge to retreat. the water is hot. too hot. but she must. she lowers her bare arse and and sinks up to her shoulders. she thought of drowning once. and even tried it. but her lungs screamed so loud that when she sucked in air, she thought they'd burst just to spite her. her skin was numb and she couldn't tell if she was hot or cold. she closed her eyes and laid her head back against the porcelain. a smile comes to her face when she remembers him coming to her when she was just like she is now. he handed her a glass and then kissed her head and the tip of her nose. he lowered himself slowly and gently, all his weight on his arms. she caught him in her legs not letting him get too far away. when he kissed her throat she dropped the glass. it smashed against the tiles. she could feel fingers against her skin and let her mind drift. she lips parted to taste him but she dropped her glass. it shattered against the tiles. again. she opened her eyes. disorientated. the water was cold and she was alone. she was always alone these days. always waiting.