ramblings

catefrances · October 2006

she walks along the street
towards home a few blocks
away from everything she
leaves behind trying to forget
what it was that got her here

a dragonfly stamp decorates her
right forearm. a souvenir from
a gig the night before when
she thought she could stand to
be around him only to discover
she was mistaken

she steps from the kerb and
stumbles wrong footed too busy
daydreaming thinking of a distant
love drawing closer with every passing
day into the next until she can
taste his salty skin on her lips

she swears as she often does and
resolves yet again to at least
try to not blaspheme so much
she knows it is a lost cause but
she can at least give it a go.
one act of compromise to get along

sliding the key into the lock and
turning it slowly and gently to the
right she pushes the door open into
her secret world she enters and
calls out a greeting to no one

kicking the door shut with her heel
she shucks her coat and hangs
it upon a peg just for the
purpose of keeping her mess
off the wooden floor

she pulls the elastic from her hair
and shakes her head looking down
the hallway to the window that
overlooks the aprtment block across
the alleyway where another man
lives alone though not lonely

they play this game the two
of them silently sharing
what? she doesn't know as she
goes tpo the kitchen tap for
a drink, upending the glass
on the drainer when finished

yes it's like that sometimes
when she weeps after the event
she knows he is not home yet
and he won't be though she
doesn't know he has gone
out of town for his work

she wonders as she wanders through
her apartment whether she could ever
let anyone close enough to drop
her guard low enough to love or
if she will remain alone

catefrances · October 2006

there is one she thinks of often
he makes her smile and gets her
mind in all manner of bother.
going into the bathroom she turns on
the shower stepping under the water

this is her true alone time when
she thinks only of herself. nothing
else. at least she tries to. but sometimes
there are moments when she senses
she has company from elsewhere

walking through her apartment she doesn't
bother with a robe or towel afterall
who can see her and more importantly
why would she care. she opens the window
letting the rain in. standing in the darkness
no one can see her she thinks

she remembers a time when things
weren't so difficult. when things were
somehow easier to deal with. she
wonders if she will end up pushing
him away with her way of living
of the highs and the lows and the silences

she absently strokes her arm with a
hand dispossessed. she likes the way
it feels. bringing her fingertips across her
shoulders to the nakedness of her
breasts. the cold air makes her shudder

she sighs. lonely. she is. but
she was the one that told him
to leave her and live his
life without her. she is also
hungry. but won't eat whilst naked.

but she will drink and become
quite drunk while sitting
on the sofa watching the tv
with the sound off and her
fingers deep inside her self

she hates amusing herself. she only
does it so she can get other
things done. she is not good
with tension. she wishes and
not for the first time that he
was the one betweeen her legs

she drops her glass onto
the rug. it does not break but
the red wine leaves a mark
that will dry like blood. she
comes and cries out his
name in the darkness.