illogical logic

catefrances

why is it that the times my mind has clarity are the times when i wish it didn't. when i'd rather go with instincts and not logic. even when i know there is no logic in the illogical. when all the thinking in the world is not going to make one ounce of difference to the way i feel. well sometimes those instances are out of your control. when someone decides for whatever reason, if there were reason at all, that logic must play a part. i don't understand such reticence though i say i do. my instincts have always taken me in directions that have me lost. and if i said i was okay with that then i'd be lying. but for the most part i can handle it. i make myself handle it. even if it's just for a brief time or stretching into years. until it all comes crashing down on me and i can no longer breathe, i can handle it. can i? i don't seem to be handling it now. i said i was in control. turns out i was so wrong i couldn't see it. turns out wanting something doesn't necessarily make it so. is there logic in the illogical? can you intellectualise something that comes from the heart with no thought? i know someone who can. well he thinks he can anyway.