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Group effort

SoundSound Posts: 579
edited February 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
i need help

writing a poem

about money and happiness

you can't have only one

and make it a criticism poem adding something about the poor people of the world who need more than just a plate of food, they need to have some fun too.
It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

Jim Carrol
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    I'm thinking Sound. *scratches head*

    Can't say that anything will pop up into that silly head of mine today but I'll at least be thinking. :) And if something good should find it's way into my brain, I'll be sure to deposit it here. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    thanks dear
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    my mind is a blur
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Sound
    my mind is a blur

    I don't feel so bad now! :D Maybe once the weekend passes and we have time to think, one of us will come up with something!!! :)

    Or, maybe someone else will surprise you with a lovely response. :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    Valeu

    Ser Iluminado
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Ok2GoOk2Go Posts: 102
    Originally posted by Sound
    Valeu

    Ser Iluminado
    "and then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong in the world all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right and no one had to get nailed to anything. Sadly, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    Thanks
    Being Enlightned



    that is portuguese
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Ok2GoOk2Go Posts: 102
    and all the broken hearts
    "and then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong in the world all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right and no one had to get nailed to anything. Sadly, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    What?!
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • PJfaninmainePJfaninmaine Posts: 216
    dayum its gonna take me a while,,, but i might be able to come up with something. (reaches for coffee and a smoke) fuck the laundry can wait! hehe
    If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different....I'd rather be completely fucking mental.
    (Angelina Jolie)
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    you have a big heart

    thanks
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Ok2GoOk2Go Posts: 102
    Originally posted by Sound
    you have a big heart

    thanks
    "and then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong in the world all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right and no one had to get nailed to anything. Sadly, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    coff
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • bambi girlbambi girl Posts: 406
    Originally posted by Sound
    coff


    where's all the poetry here then?? hehe


    hey sound *waves* *smiles*
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    there ain't going to be no poetry

    i guess

    kiss
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Ok2GoOk2Go Posts: 102
    how bout if i give you a line to start......


    he dreamt he was a rich man
    woke up in a blanket of green
    "and then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong in the world all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right and no one had to get nailed to anything. Sadly, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    good start angel
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Ok2GoOk2Go Posts: 102
    he dreamt he was a rich man
    woke up in a blanket of green

    he realized her eyes were the color of money
    and her breath was the sound of wealth

    she kissed him down south
    and he flew high with her
    from his place in the sky
    he sees a bank
    words on the roof read

    withdrawls are free for you
    only you
    just look into my eyes and you will know
    i am the trust
    "and then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong in the world all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right and no one had to get nailed to anything. Sadly, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

    Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    i want to explore the many possibilities of the verb
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • SoundSound Posts: 579
    keep it alive
    It was a dream, not a nightmare. A beautiful dream I could never imagined in a thousand nods. I saw this girl next to me, she wasn't beautiful until she smiled. And I felt that smile come at me in heat waves following. Soaking through my body and out my finger tips in shafts of color. And I knew somewhere in the world, somewhere, that there was love for me.

    Jim Carrol
  • Being EnlightenedBeing Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Sound
    keep it alive

    :) Sound, I've started to write something on this topic a couple of times and I come away with some lines and then I scrap them because they suck! I had an idea in my head about the typical rich boy/girl meets poor boy/girl and love blossoms but that's so common and therefore, sucks! I am no help! I suck! :p

    Maybe one day you'll see a bump on this thread from me and it'll actually be a poem! And maybe even one that doesn't suck! :D

    BTW - I don't see any poems from you yet either, mister! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
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