Alien & Time of Love
AsPrivilegedAsAWhore
Posts: 109
I havent been able to stop writing... but its all CRAP... i scribbled these two out... in like... 10 minutes... they are rough drafts.... i just need to put words on paper right now... tell me what you think...
Alien
You're not from around here
It's past noon and you cast no shade
I am screaming but you cant hear
you're burning but have yet to fade
you dont look the same
you dont look like us
you dont feel an ounce of shame
you toss around your trust
you're an alien
you're here to cause us harm
you're an alien
you're cause for much alarm
Time Of Love
These words are not origional
they've been uttered in the past
thoughtless but pivital
time will tell, these words will last
another hopeless love song
you, I, me, my
drool, cry, feel, die
isn't that how we get along
some remain weak
and others grow strong
love... is but a song of time
a series of literary foibles
patterned in a rhyme
no matter how distant
no matter how resistant
heartbreak linger's around
your heart was meant to be stripped from your chest and thrown to the ground
do the rhymes comfort you?
do they sum it up?
love on paper is too easy
love shouldnt rhyme
love shouldnt be a lyrical line
this isnt love, I promise
love is a bullet
love doesnt rhyme
love doesnt fit
i guess this must be love but at the wrong time
they say love is but a peach
it ripens with time
only to rot away
love is but a yellow lime
so pucker up my friend
and take your precious time.
yeah i dont now what i am talking about.... buttttt.... that's what im feeling right now... sooo
much love guys... thats for reading
~erin
Alien
You're not from around here
It's past noon and you cast no shade
I am screaming but you cant hear
you're burning but have yet to fade
you dont look the same
you dont look like us
you dont feel an ounce of shame
you toss around your trust
you're an alien
you're here to cause us harm
you're an alien
you're cause for much alarm
Time Of Love
These words are not origional
they've been uttered in the past
thoughtless but pivital
time will tell, these words will last
another hopeless love song
you, I, me, my
drool, cry, feel, die
isn't that how we get along
some remain weak
and others grow strong
love... is but a song of time
a series of literary foibles
patterned in a rhyme
no matter how distant
no matter how resistant
heartbreak linger's around
your heart was meant to be stripped from your chest and thrown to the ground
do the rhymes comfort you?
do they sum it up?
love on paper is too easy
love shouldnt rhyme
love shouldnt be a lyrical line
this isnt love, I promise
love is a bullet
love doesnt rhyme
love doesnt fit
i guess this must be love but at the wrong time
they say love is but a peach
it ripens with time
only to rot away
love is but a yellow lime
so pucker up my friend
and take your precious time.
yeah i dont now what i am talking about.... buttttt.... that's what im feeling right now... sooo
much love guys... thats for reading
~erin
They filled me full of drink
And led me round the rooms
Naked and cold and grinning
Until everything went black
And I came down spinning
I awoke so drunk and full of rage
That I could hardly speak
A fag in a whale bone corset
Draping his dick across my cheek
And its into the shame
And led me round the rooms
Naked and cold and grinning
Until everything went black
And I came down spinning
I awoke so drunk and full of rage
That I could hardly speak
A fag in a whale bone corset
Draping his dick across my cheek
And its into the shame
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
I like this one, it's kinda like that feeling where people seem to go out of their way to make you feel like you don't belong because you act or look different.
I know how that feels, I've dealt with it my whole life.
Very well written, and very lyrical. I'll comment on the second one, but I need time to fully understand it.
Great job, Erin, I love it!
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
The ocean, use of electricity, baby earth chicken soup! Bamboo grass?
For the pair of us is an evening and a broken reputation!
aww thank you buddy:)
i really wanted you to read them... and thank you for doing so:)
i am glad you enjoyed the first one:)
and please do tell me what you think of the second after youve fully digested it
And led me round the rooms
Naked and cold and grinning
Until everything went black
And I came down spinning
I awoke so drunk and full of rage
That I could hardly speak
A fag in a whale bone corset
Draping his dick across my cheek
And its into the shame
To me this poem speaks of love as something too complex to describe in words. And I tend to agree...I doubt anyone can really define that sort of feeling you get when you're in love, or when your heart has been broken.
It also suggests that love isn't as simple as those cheesy love songs suggest. It really does take a lot of time and patience, and people shouldn't be trying to kill themselves to get someone to love them.
Lovely poem, I hope I didn't just completely misinterpret it, I was never good at this sort of thing.
I love your writing, Erin, I look forward to reading more of it!
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
The ocean, use of electricity, baby earth chicken soup! Bamboo grass?
For the pair of us is an evening and a broken reputation!
hehe thank you:)
you hit the nail on the head.... in a nutshell thats what i meant... and basically just the annoyance i get from all the surrounding teens i know trying to write when all they can muster up is sappy love songs... and then they get famous... it just irritates me... and it also has a lto to do with a forbidden love i am dealing with right now... hehe
much love buddy:) and thank you for the feedback:) ill share more sometime
And led me round the rooms
Naked and cold and grinning
Until everything went black
And I came down spinning
I awoke so drunk and full of rage
That I could hardly speak
A fag in a whale bone corset
Draping his dick across my cheek
And its into the shame
oh ok good! I thought you would look at what I wrote and say "did he pull this out of his ass?! :eek:"...I'm glad I passed inspection!
you should definitely share some more! I'd definitely read if I remember to visit the poetry forum every once in a while.
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
The ocean, use of electricity, baby earth chicken soup! Bamboo grass?
For the pair of us is an evening and a broken reputation!