Tied House, Tied Down

KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
Dying eight hours a day
for eighty dollars
that I'll only drink away

trapped in a sad little routine
of toil, sweat, binging, and sleep
with no escape in sight
from nightmares about you, I have every night

I'm just blue, a blue collar
I'm just blue, a blue mood
I'm never through, another dollar
I wish I was through...

through with you

these cuts on my arms
will turn to souvenirs of harm
call off the dogs, look at these scars
I'm having a rough time, things are already hard

so call me an asshole
but call off the dogs
I'll be in the back room,
with a gun and my thoughts
The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • FancyFacadeFancyFacade Posts: 330
    hey...im sorry to hear you are feeling so bad--excellent poem--
  • interesting choice at the end there. Instead of switching some of the rhyme and saying "thoughts and my gun," you say "gun and my thoughts," which seems to leave a more eery insinuating impression on the reader. If it had been ended with gun, it would have been too obvious what was going to happen, but "thoughts" leaves room for possibilities...good possibilities I think.
    Liberal Douchebags that Blame Bush for Everything are Useless Pieces of Trash. I Shit on You.
  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    wow, thanks guys
    nice to see some actual opinions and not "good job" "nice work" "beautiful"
    really, thanks
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
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