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a poem/song thing....

i_love_pirhanasi_love_pirhanas Posts: 35
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
you didn't know
that i could shout
that i could scream
that my eyes can flash
like the light sparking off a blade
that is a glare cutting through
you.
you didnt know.

you didn't know
that i have many faces
that i have many colours
that i can change
like the sea moving around itself
that is me engulfing
you.
you didnt know.

and you still don't know
and you still can't see
what lies behind my bright smile
what lingers underneath my footsteps
like the music that makes me dance
so many layers
that you don't know at all.
Spatula
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • browneyedgrlbrowneyedgrl Posts: 39
    that's amazing:)
  • RayneRayne Posts: 99
    Amazingly expressive. This is so similar to the way I write...one day I will have the guts to share with y'all. In the mean time, thanks for sharing this part of yourself. It's a gift.
    Underneath this smile lies everything...How I choose to feel, is how I AM!
    ****************************************
    No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~
  • i_love_pirhanasi_love_pirhanas Posts: 35
    aaaaaaaaaaahh *blushes*

    thankyou
    Spatula
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    I didn't like it...It's much too common. Which isn't a bad thing, but this is just tooooo common, nothing really stands out.

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by Prostate Guy
    I didn't like it...It's much too common. Which isn't a bad thing, but this is just tooooo common, nothing really stands out.

    "O mother
    Grass, mother me the poet's faculty
    Of loving to the heart of any ordinary thing,
    Sitting there by the cool Pierian spring:
    Where on the Strand the horses gallop -
    a commonplace sight."

    Patrick Kavanagh (1904-67)
  • ExodusExodus Posts: 212
    i liked it, myself....
    especially the first paragraph....
    that thing about the knife was GREAT.
    Between the conception and the creation

    Between the emotion and the response

    Falls the shadow.
  • mulacmulac Posts: 97
    yeah i thought it was pretty cool.

    good job
    the passenger is life
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    "O mother
    Grass, mother me the poet's faculty
    Of loving to the heart of any ordinary thing,
    Sitting there by the cool Pierian spring:
    Where on the Strand the horses gallop -
    a commonplace sight."

    Patrick Kavanagh (1904-67)



    I think the commonplace should have a few exotic looking plants...that's all.

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I dunno...."Madame Bovary" makes art out of the mundane, the provincial and the hapless....why do things need to be exotic?

    Discuss!
  • ExodusExodus Posts: 212
    can't have the sweet without the sour...

    not saying this one was sour... but if everything was exceptional then nothing would seem extrodinary.
    Between the conception and the creation

    Between the emotion and the response

    Falls the shadow.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by Exodus
    ...but if everything was exceptional then nothing would seem extraordinary.

    I love synonyms.

    :)
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    I dunno...."Madame Bovary" makes art out of the mundane, the provincial and the hapless....why do things need to be exotic?

    Discuss!


    Would a rainbow be as intriging if it was just one color?

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Originally posted by Exodus
    can't have the sweet without the sour...

    not saying this one was sour... but if everything was exceptional then nothing would seem extrodinary.


    Hey fuck, that was a good line.

    But then again..If everything was extrodinary then god would be shit out of luck.

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by Prostate Guy
    Would a rainbow be as intriging if it was just one color?

    How do you know it isn't white? Don't quote your "well, I was in the classroom and we had this prism" story......the light is only refractive if you're ready to see it refract.

    Could be black.....
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    How do you know it isn't white? Don't quote your "well, I was in the classroom and we had this prism" story......the light is only refractive if you're ready to see it refract.

    Could be black.....


    Don't get all bogus philosophy on me. Do you see white or do you see a fucking rainbow?

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Oh and there was this one time when I was in the class and we got this prism...

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    When you look at the sky, do you see white or a rainbow, BEFORE the sky makes a class out of glass itself and shows its spectral spread through a prism?

    What's the difference between real and bogus philosophy? What is the honourable pursuit of wisdom? What is sophistry?
  • Prostate GuyProstate Guy Posts: 9
    Originally posted by FinsburyParkCarrots
    When you look at the sky, do you see white or a rainbow, BEFORE the sky makes a class out of glass itself and shows its spectral spread through a prism?

    What's the difference between real and bogus philosophy? What is the honourable pursuit of wisdom? What is sophistry?



    No offense....But this was about blunt vs. "creative" poetry.


    But to answer your question...You can't see light, so what the hell do you care?

    Wisdom is life itself, and the pursuit comes when you go....kinky eh?

    Sophistry is exclaiming you've found a truth you know you'll never get

    Now shut the fuck up with this philosophy crap....please?

    Fate is trying to tell you to shut the fuck up
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Philosophy is "crap".

    The answer's in play-doh......
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by Prostate Guy

    Sophistry is exclaiming you've found a truth you know you'll never get


    Wrong definition of sophistry. In fact, the nature of the statement was a prime example of sophistry in itself.
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Right...I'm off out to do some work, but here's a thought:

    I enjoy reasoned, thoughtful discussion and I shall try to turn our quibble into something positive.

    "Prostate Guy": Define "blunt" poetry as opposed to "creative poetry." Let's make this fun: You can't use the following adjectives in your debate: "pretentious", "bogus", "shit", "crap"; or such terms as "reality" or "what's under your nose". You have to give us a working, positive definition of poetry as you prefer it, and even better, you could give us one of your lyrics or poems to read. We shan't be rude or injudicious about it.

    But do it on another thread. This is ILP's thread, after all! :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Originally posted by i_love_pirhanas
    you didn't know
    that i could shout
    that i could scream
    that my eyes can flash
    like the light sparking off a blade
    that is a glare cutting through
    you.
    you didnt know.

    you didn't know
    that i have many faces
    that i have many colours
    that i can change
    like the sea moving around itself
    that is me engulfing
    you.
    you didnt know.

    and you still don't know
    and you still can't see
    what lies behind my bright smile
    what lingers underneath my footsteps
    like the music that makes me dance
    so many layers
    that you don't know at all.

    This is just to remind everyone of this good poem.

    :)
  • sevensinssevensins Posts: 887
    well me, i happen to like this.......it's got flow......a groove if i do say so myself, but i cant hear it so fuck it..............it pretty good
    http://www.myspace.com/pleasetryagain

    http://www.myspace.com/alotalotbetweenus
  • i_love_pirhanasi_love_pirhanas Posts: 35
    thanks for comments everyone..and for turning it into a discussion about rainbows that i didnt really understand (sorry)
    maybe tis common or something but i've only written about 5 things ever, i'm not really a poet but sometimes something comes out....like this....
    Spatula
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I didn't understand the discussion about rainbows either! :D
    Great poem...keep them coming!

    :)
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