happy?

FelicityFelicity Posts: 339
edited January 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
after a bitter morning
and tears of solitude
the slow train of thought
comes out of the tunnel
into the light once more
take today
and make it your own
the meandering ideas
touch me here...and there...
understanding you
and your complex ways
my mind glimpsing yours
and then back
to the work i must do

why am always so worried
that i have such loss
when the real facts
are in front of me
that i must make for myself
the world i want
it contradicts your messages
confuses me to frustration
challenging me to think
about so many things

but in the final plan
i know i need not worry
because what will be will be
the work and wilful power
i have already accomplished
cannot be denied
i don't care if you think
i need to change
it happens on its own
at the right time
i moved too soon
against my better mind
thinking i was ready
i prepared for anything
because taking chances
is what life is about
good or bad

looking in the mirror
she's alive and she's awesome
she thought about others
for much too long
now she can plan
each day for herself
even though something's missing
of course, dear
that warm hand to hold
that calm body leaning into
you ask what i want
but i know it's impossible
so i never tell you outright
i already know it will be rejected

i want to have a home with you
to share a set of keys
make breakfast together
stay up all night talking
about anything
bathe in music
bathe each other
i want to see things with you
experience the world
and our own inner universe
photofilm document
write in each other's journals
you be my real doll
devoted to me
i want to speak music with you
play the notes
that make you cry
speak the words
that your heart believes
know that you hear me
and all my pain
i want to understand you forever
never let a mood
or an episode
get in the way
but let you feel free
to wallow or soar
knowing i'll accept you
but mostly i want to love you
because you've had such pain
and they don't know
the depth of its damage
nor do they know mine
or how much you do
for the world
you are my secret joy
but i want to tell the world
i think you do too
but all in good time
i first must feel total comfort
and sense of control
and your positive acceptance
of me
that must be repeated to me
many, many times
so that i can be reassured
that all you said is true
to this moment
as i continue to let you know
that it's still as strong
as ever it was, maybe more
i showed you that
and felt it from you too
...right before you escaped
again

look at how far we've come
is there any question why?
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