anxious
Felicity
Posts: 339
i've been writing to my friend betty in england who was involved in a long-term love affair that only went so far.we wanted to see if we could co-write something about unrequited love and long-distance relationships.
perhaps you're just waiting
for me to come out with everything
and let you know it's alright
there are things that need explaining
even though we know
each other's minds
like the backs of our graceful hands
i hid the fact that i loved you
for so very long
i didn't want to send my love
to a place where it would waste
just like it did before
even though i convinced myself
that's what it really was
lust/love/complacency/habit
i teased you with my love
on purpose
to see if you were really genuine
and even though i know
that you can't express it as a normal man
i felt it.damn.i felt it from you.
i was afraid i was just imagining
that i felt passion and emotions
because i just wanted to
not really because of you
and your beautiful smell that i love
and your mischievous giggle
and your busy hands
she helped to plan the whole ruse gone wrong.
even now she is jealous of the time you spent with me.
i pushed towards you
just as i thought you were asking
you said never give up
and i didn't-to the point of exhaustion
you dared me to keep up
then you'd pull away
saying you didn't deserve me
me-left in the sunlight
while you retreated once more
to the darkness
you pulled me towards you
luring me with words so fine
trusting you
because i was so different
you never trusting me
because how could i be so different
or so special
you needed to find out
they watched me and listened
and they told you and showed you
everything
i found you when you asked me to
thinking it would only stay as such
in the ethereal world
so much veiled communication
secretive and mysterious
you let me believe
in what never existed
questioning my sanity
and accusing me of false motive
you said i was cruel and unkind
whenever you didn't get your way
or i did not follow your plans
i took your punishment
and swallowed hard
i'm still whole and with pride
you cannot destroy that
i love my deepest core
i was not wrong to feel that way
if you cannot make a trust with me
then i cannot give myself to you
it doesn't work like that
then to claim i am like them all
is surely the biggest falsity
you could ever utter
i needed to feel comfortable
reassured and taken care of
i let myself fall just as you asked
trusting in everything we spoke
then at the last moment
you were gone
never intending to be there
but letting me drop
to the cold and dirty floor
of the world
i did it with full awareness
i did it to my own detriment
why would anyone let that happen
you ask yourself
i let myself suffer far beyond
what a human should endure
i did it to prove to you
that i would do anything for you
this was my promise
for the next fifty years
not a joke
not a lie
never
and i thought you were so funny
told you i'd love you
no matter what
if you don't understand by now
then you never shall
and i'm not writing this
to make you feel bad
or to get you to sympathize
i'm a much better person than that
i just know that when you're confused
you decide on how things are
and that's that
until you begin to read your heart
one
more
time
then the truth comes flooding back
that we are there
in each other's bodies and minds
just knowing
i often questioned why
you had to imagine you were inside me
not in sexual but just existing
i kept you safe from harm
gave sanctuary in your mind
kept you calm and level
enough to handle
all your responsibilities
i wondered why you pursued me
and then slid sideways into escape
my zen master/houdini/clownass
there will never be anyone like you
as fucked up and beautiful and ugly
do as you wish,nothing will change
what we know-a love that burns bright
though we each have separate lives
if paths are destined to cross
then when two agree it shall be
i still believe that will manifest
in something more gorgeous
than we could even imagine
so when i say i love you
i sincerely do care
but i mourn the lack
of reciprocity
in physical and real ways
forgive my foolishness
and just being myself
perhaps you're just waiting
for me to come out with everything
and let you know it's alright
there are things that need explaining
even though we know
each other's minds
like the backs of our graceful hands
i hid the fact that i loved you
for so very long
i didn't want to send my love
to a place where it would waste
just like it did before
even though i convinced myself
that's what it really was
lust/love/complacency/habit
i teased you with my love
on purpose
to see if you were really genuine
and even though i know
that you can't express it as a normal man
i felt it.damn.i felt it from you.
i was afraid i was just imagining
that i felt passion and emotions
because i just wanted to
not really because of you
and your beautiful smell that i love
and your mischievous giggle
and your busy hands
she helped to plan the whole ruse gone wrong.
even now she is jealous of the time you spent with me.
i pushed towards you
just as i thought you were asking
you said never give up
and i didn't-to the point of exhaustion
you dared me to keep up
then you'd pull away
saying you didn't deserve me
me-left in the sunlight
while you retreated once more
to the darkness
you pulled me towards you
luring me with words so fine
trusting you
because i was so different
you never trusting me
because how could i be so different
or so special
you needed to find out
they watched me and listened
and they told you and showed you
everything
i found you when you asked me to
thinking it would only stay as such
in the ethereal world
so much veiled communication
secretive and mysterious
you let me believe
in what never existed
questioning my sanity
and accusing me of false motive
you said i was cruel and unkind
whenever you didn't get your way
or i did not follow your plans
i took your punishment
and swallowed hard
i'm still whole and with pride
you cannot destroy that
i love my deepest core
i was not wrong to feel that way
if you cannot make a trust with me
then i cannot give myself to you
it doesn't work like that
then to claim i am like them all
is surely the biggest falsity
you could ever utter
i needed to feel comfortable
reassured and taken care of
i let myself fall just as you asked
trusting in everything we spoke
then at the last moment
you were gone
never intending to be there
but letting me drop
to the cold and dirty floor
of the world
i did it with full awareness
i did it to my own detriment
why would anyone let that happen
you ask yourself
i let myself suffer far beyond
what a human should endure
i did it to prove to you
that i would do anything for you
this was my promise
for the next fifty years
not a joke
not a lie
never
and i thought you were so funny
told you i'd love you
no matter what
if you don't understand by now
then you never shall
and i'm not writing this
to make you feel bad
or to get you to sympathize
i'm a much better person than that
i just know that when you're confused
you decide on how things are
and that's that
until you begin to read your heart
one
more
time
then the truth comes flooding back
that we are there
in each other's bodies and minds
just knowing
i often questioned why
you had to imagine you were inside me
not in sexual but just existing
i kept you safe from harm
gave sanctuary in your mind
kept you calm and level
enough to handle
all your responsibilities
i wondered why you pursued me
and then slid sideways into escape
my zen master/houdini/clownass
there will never be anyone like you
as fucked up and beautiful and ugly
do as you wish,nothing will change
what we know-a love that burns bright
though we each have separate lives
if paths are destined to cross
then when two agree it shall be
i still believe that will manifest
in something more gorgeous
than we could even imagine
so when i say i love you
i sincerely do care
but i mourn the lack
of reciprocity
in physical and real ways
forgive my foolishness
and just being myself
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
you and your friend did a fine job, maybe you can convince her to post along with you again.