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salty reminder

of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
edited March 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
this tear,
so transparent,
is dried
upon my cheek
and with every smile
i can feel the salty
presence
that lingers on my
face
reminding me that
i shouldn't
be smiling
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    but with every smile
    a little that is dried
    breaks up and falls to floor
    undoing what has hurt you
    don't ever lose your passion
    don't give him the satisfaction
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by Kwyjibo
    but with every smile
    a little that is dried
    breaks up and falls to floor
    undoing what has hurt you
    don't ever lose your passion
    don't give him the satisfaction

    ...you just made me smile :)
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
  • KwyjiboKwyjibo Posts: 662
    thats good, thats what I was going for :)
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • rarghrargh-brownstarrarghrargh-brownstar Posts: 1,272
    sorry dont mean to interupt
    but u guys go good together
    and are very creative and yielding
    Rarghstarfarian.
  • CranMalReignCranMalReign Posts: 1,928
    The title of your poem reminded me of a line from my own. Except I used "bitter" instead of "salty", and in a much different context. :) While salty would be accurate, it wouldn't have worked.

    ~~~

    I'd Like to Feel Strong, Please
    Auguest 13, 2001

    I'd Like to Feel Strong, Please

    Please, I'd like to degrade you
    With your permission, of course

    If you like
    I want to watch you do it
    I want to look down and see myself
    Being powerful
    And in control

    I would like to feel important
    Hovering over you
    Owning another shred of that dignity you offer
    As a bloodied lamb
    With each inch slipped into your face

    If it doesn't pose a problem for you
    Could you swallow it
    So that I may bask in the ecstasy
    Of blasting bitter reminders of how small you are
    Down your thirsty gullet

    But if you'd rather do something else
    That's fine, too
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  • of_the_girlof_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by CranMalReign
    The title of your poem reminded me of a line from my own. Except I used "bitter" instead of "salty", and in a much different context. :) While salty would be accurate, it wouldn't have worked.

    ~~~

    I'd Like to Feel Strong, Please
    Auguest 13, 2001

    I'd Like to Feel Strong, Please

    Please, I'd like to degrade you
    With your permission, of course

    If you like
    I want to watch you do it
    I want to look down and see myself
    Being powerful
    And in control

    I would like to feel important
    Hovering over you
    Owning another shred of that dignity you offer
    As a bloodied lamb
    With each inch slipped into your face

    If it doesn't pose a problem for you
    Could you swallow it
    So that I may bask in the ecstasy
    Of blasting bitter reminders of how small you are
    Down your thirsty gullet

    But if you'd rather do something else
    That's fine, too

    hehe whoa... heh, i see what you mean...
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
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