this poem is dumb... but it's how i feel

of_the_girl
of_the_girl Posts: 745
edited June 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
fingers in my hair
lips on my skin
hearing my name
softly spoken in the dark
bodies tangled up
hearts beating fast
smiling at each other
feeling each others bodies
waking up in the sun
pouring down on your face
you kiss my forehead goodmorning
right before the telling sound
of the alarm
woke me up
and you were gone
the side of the bed
in which you once laid
only in my dreams
is now cold and barren
and i find myself waking
to not sun, but rain
and the memory of the dream
that slowly fades
not every dream comes true in this world
but if any of my dreams could come true
please let it be you
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

www.myspace.com/birdinamitten
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • DopeBeastie
    DopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    Originally posted by of_the_girl

    fingers in my hair
    lips on my skin
    hearing my name
    softly spoken in the dark

    bodies tangled up
    hearts beating fast
    smiling at each other
    feeling each others bodies
    waking up in the sun
    pouring down on your face
    you kiss my forehead goodmorning
    right before the telling sound
    of the alarm
    woke me up
    and you were gone
    the side of the bed
    in which you once laid
    only in my dreams
    is now cold and barren
    and i find myself waking
    to not sun, but rain
    and the memory of the dream
    that slowly fades
    not every dream comes true in this world
    but if any of my dreams could come true
    please let it be you

    the poem's not dumb, imo... the cadence of the first four is wonderfully felt... and how it goes

    this
    this
    this
    here

    is cool...
    i'd love to see the rest of it follow that pattern, and it wouldn't be hard to work it that way at all


    :D
  • nailz100
    nailz100 Posts: 1,176
    Let it be me...let it be me. *crossing fingers* Nice poem Jessie
    Only with our eyes closed can we truly see
  • Buddy Hinton
    Buddy Hinton Posts: 7
    Dumb? You mean wonderful.

    We all can relate

    nice work
  • HoorayForHumans
    HoorayForHumans Posts: 151
    it's a beautiful dream. i hope this one comes true.

    <3
    this heart's on fire
  • lux
    lux Posts: 22
    wow. thats lovely
  • FancyFacade
    FancyFacade Posts: 330
    one of those things we hate to admit--thanks for sharing
  • Buru
    Buru Posts: 8,473
    No, not dumb
    maybe forlorn...
    y la banda de Guille... cuando toca?
  • Kwyjibo
    Kwyjibo Posts: 662
    Originally posted by of_the_girl
    fingers in my hair
    lips on my skin
    hearing my name
    softly spoken in the dark
    bodies tangled up
    hearts beating fast
    smiling at each other
    feeling each others bodies
    waking up in the sun
    pouring down on your face
    you kiss my forehead goodmorning
    right before the telling sound
    of the alarm
    woke me up
    and you were gone
    the side of the bed
    in which you once laid
    only in my dreams
    is now cold and barren
    and i find myself waking
    to not sun, but rain
    and the memory of the dream
    that slowly fades
    not every dream comes true in this world
    but if any of my dreams could come true
    please let it be you

    think of me tonight when you're dreaming
    and dream like you've never dreamt before
    dream of what life would be like
    if you didn't have to dream anymore
    ~me
    The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway, is that its you, and that you're standing in the doorway.

    I write down good reasons to freeze to death in my spiral ring notebook. But in the long tresses of your hair--I am a babbling brook.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Good to see you back on the board, Kwyjibo! I missed seeing your poems around.
  • innersense
    innersense Posts: 11
    waking up in the sun
    pouring down on your face
    you kiss my forehead goodmorning
    right before the telling sound
    of the alarm
    woke me up
    and you were gone
    the side of the bed
    in which you once laid
    only in my dreams
    is now cold and barren

    I really like these lines in particular. This is such a specific feeling and you really got it.
    "Let's pay teachers more and more...let's not waste money on fucking war..."-EV 7/12/03
    "Speaking as a child of the 90's..."
  • of_the_girl
    of_the_girl Posts: 745
    Originally posted by Kwyjibo
    think of me tonight when you're dreaming
    and dream like you've never dreamt before
    dream of what life would be like
    if you didn't have to dream anymore
    ~me

    my favorite poet, i've missed you darling! *big warm welcoming hug* :) hope you're takin' care!
    "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." --Plato

    www.myspace.com/birdinamitten

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