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dream within a dream

eddies grrleddies grrl Posts: 509
edited April 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
in my dream
you were asleep and dreaming
i sat on the bed and watched
as your breathing deepened
and your face was of an angel
and i dared to place my hand over yours

many nights
you have laid beside me, awake
moving your fingers through my hair
lulling me to sleep
and i would wake to find you watching me
vigilant and deep in thought

was she in the dream?
did her kitchen smell sweet
and did her voice
pull you back to innocence and laughter?
i think the memory of her brought you peace
because in your sleep,
in my dream,
you smiled
Life is the riddle
Of which we're caught in the middle.
A couple of lucky ones
Tangled up in too much love
~cowboy junkies
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • justdannojustdanno Posts: 24
    I really like the image in this poem. The begining maybe could be reworked though.
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    i agree. it's a beautiful piece

    you could drop line 1 altoghether and let us discover that you were dreaming, too, at the end of the piece.

    i've read some crit about writing about dreaming... you don't have to say that YOU were dreaming at all... just show the dream, and make that the poem, you know?

    but i think the ending is sound, and should stay ~ it's endearing to know someone else's peace of mind makes it into your dreams. it says a lot.
  • depopulationINCdepopulationINC Posts: 2,074
    PastaNazi wrote:
    i agree. it's a beautiful piece

    you could drop line 1 altoghether and let us discover that you were dreaming, too, at the end of the piece.

    i've read some crit about writing about dreaming... you don't have to say that YOU were dreaming at all... just show the dream, and make that the poem, you know?

    but i think the ending is sound, and should stay ~ it's endearing to know someone else's peace of mind makes it into your dreams. it says a lot.

    well stated


    lovely piece btw
    The only thing I enjoy is having no feelings....being numb rocks!

    And I won't make the same mistakes
    (Because I know)
    Because I know how much time that wastes
    (And function)
    Function is the key
  • eddies grrleddies grrl Posts: 509
    thanks you guys, and for the gentle critiquing (sp??), too! :)
    Life is the riddle
    Of which we're caught in the middle.
    A couple of lucky ones
    Tangled up in too much love
    ~cowboy junkies
  • twin1twin1 Posts: 902
    Beautiful...thanks for the warm image... :)
    Our love must not be just words, but True Love, which shows itself in action,
    No one needs a smile more than someone who fails to give one,
    After you die...you know how to LIVE!
  • walkerlastgen1walkerlastgen1 Posts: 155
    for once in my live i have to diagree with pasta dreaming about someone dreaming kind of suggests a two way mirror between dreams and reality. to me...
    I took a walk so I could curse my ass for being dumb!!!

    www.myspace.com/lastgeneration56
  • walkerlastgen1walkerlastgen1 Posts: 155
    though i do see your point in general.. i do think it's appropriate here.
    I took a walk so I could curse my ass for being dumb!!!

    www.myspace.com/lastgeneration56
  • DopeBeastieDopeBeastie Posts: 2,513
    only the first time, dear...
    i hope for many more :)


    and it appears that you may know much more about dream stuff than i do, too :)
  • walkerlastgen1walkerlastgen1 Posts: 155
    just an opinion...which are like assholes..everybody has them and they all stink...ha..ha
    I took a walk so I could curse my ass for being dumb!!!

    www.myspace.com/lastgeneration56
  • eddies grrleddies grrl Posts: 509
    to be honest, i wrote this about someone who i've haven't actually been intimate with, but our conversations have been pretty intimate, i think. when i used the dream-in-a-dream idea, it was alluding to my thoughts about his thoughts... and how you can want so much for someone you care about to be happy, that a small thing like a smile- even while he's sleeping- can reassure you that he'll be okay.
    Life is the riddle
    Of which we're caught in the middle.
    A couple of lucky ones
    Tangled up in too much love
    ~cowboy junkies
  • walkerlastgen1walkerlastgen1 Posts: 155
    So it's kind of like the two of you meeting in a dream?
    I took a walk so I could curse my ass for being dumb!!!

    www.myspace.com/lastgeneration56
  • eddies grrleddies grrl Posts: 509
    walkerlastgen1 wrote:
    So it's kind of like the two of you meeting in a dream?

    yeah, i guess you can say that.

    and right now, i'm worried about him and i want him to be okay, but i also want him to know i'm here, even if he's not okay. does that make sense??
    Life is the riddle
    Of which we're caught in the middle.
    A couple of lucky ones
    Tangled up in too much love
    ~cowboy junkies
  • mookie blaylock 10mookie blaylock 10 Posts: 4,042
    more beautiful words eddie's grrl ! :) awesome.

    to be honest, and if you don't mind me saying so, this sounds like something i would have written. not to say that my work would be as vivid as yours, but it reads and feels like a lot of the stuff i have in my notebooks...

    ...so back to complimenting your work...;) ...thanks for sharing another beautiful image with us. i'm very happy you're over your stage fright when it comes to your poetry :)
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