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The End, Begin

JesusTheTerroristJesusTheTerrorist Posts: 37
edited September 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
This poem is about reality, as I percieve it.

Warning: I don't really write so excuse any insults to poetry. It doesn't have rhyme or structure, mostly. It's rough and I'd like any criticism. I hate the first stanza but I can't think of any other way to put it. I also don't like the repetition of the word back in the third stanza.


The end, begin
Rewind, replay
Live, die
Resurrect

Be gone, come back
Constant motion
No form, no order
Living Spiral

Out of control
Cannot turn back
Into the void
Come out, go back

Run now, no return
Unknown, eyes closed
Crossing (now) over
Not yet born

Stand naked, fully clothed
Exposed, concealed
No one knows
Not a lie, always truth

Turn around
Take it in
Welcome to
The end, begin
"Provided there are no pre-conditions"

Originally posted by MrBrian -

"one day a country may just liberate america, what will you say then?"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • A HitchHiker PoetA HitchHiker Poet Posts: 129
    Keep um comin!!!!
    Don't need a raincoat, I'm already wet..
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    Hello There! I like the first stanza especially that the first line mirrors the last line and the poem is about returning to the beginning. If anything, you can write the first stanza to mirror the last stanza more, ie "resurrect" in the last line of the first stanza could be "return" because "turn" is in the first line of the last stanza so it mirrors. That may be too cliche, but I really don't see a problem with the first stanza. It goes well with the rest of the poem.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • JesusTheTerroristJesusTheTerrorist Posts: 37
    Hey! Thanks :)


    I like the idea of the Turn in both stanzas. Didn't think of that.
    "Provided there are no pre-conditions"

    Originally posted by MrBrian -

    "one day a country may just liberate america, what will you say then?"
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Posts: 12,223
    I was just playing with the first stanza a bit, and it came out looking like a bit of Samuel Beckett!

    I'll show you. :)

    endbeginning rewindreplaying living dying resurrecting the go in the whoa of the woe and go of the be gone and come back ah that coming back in the constant motion of orderly orderlessness in the incessant cesspit dead living spiral into nothingness

    so, by playing with the form a bit you could be the greatest Irish writer since the last fella.

    :)
  • violet rayviolet ray Posts: 502
    i like this a lot...and to me, it DOES describe *life*
    You ask me to enter
    But then You make me crawl
    And I can't be holding on
    To what You got
    When all You've got is hurt
    ----
    Underneath this smile lies everything
    All my hopes and anger, pride and shame
  • JesusTheTerroristJesusTheTerrorist Posts: 37
    Finsbury: I really like your form much more. It's more artistic and layered in a way.

    Violet: Thanks!! :)
    "Provided there are no pre-conditions"

    Originally posted by MrBrian -

    "one day a country may just liberate america, what will you say then?"
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