Just Once

Something great. Just once?
Just once could I be as great as you?
Spill out! But be beautiful.
I want you to see, just once
See how I show you heaven
Just so you can say
I showed you something wonderful
I want you to remember,
And never ever forget
Just once when I can be great
Please just let this be the once,

One time I make perfection
Just once? Please? For you

Just once I would love to be, as amazing
As you have told me I am
Just once, I wish there were a reason,
A way to turn your words,
Your pleasing lies to truth.


I worte this maybe last year or before. I just found it and think it needs a lot of work. I've highlighted the parts I think need changed the most. Any ideas?
"Provided there are no pre-conditions"

Originally posted by MrBrian -

"one day a country may just liberate america, what will you say then?"
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • AliAli Posts: 2,621
    I like it just the way it is to be honest with you.....
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • Ms. HaikuMs. Haiku Posts: 7,265
    Just once.

    Spill out! But be beautiful.
    I want you to see,

    just once

    see how I show you heaven
    so you can say
    I showed you something wonderful
    one time I make perfection

    Just once.

    I would love to be, as amazing
    As you have told me I am

    just once

    I wish there were a reason,
    A way to turn your words,
    Your pleasing lies to truth.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • ISNISN Posts: 1,700
    hi JintheTonic.....I've reworked it....so that in my eyes it seems better....but that's questionable.....

    It could be great. Just once?
    Just once, we could be great.
    Evaluate us. Just once?
    I want you to see, just once.
    See me show you heaven,
    Just so you can say
    I showed you something wonderful.
    I want you to remember,
    And never ever forget
    Just once, me being great.
    Please let this be the time;
    The one time I'm perfect -
    Just once? Please? (For you).

    Just once I would love to be,
    As amazing as you say I am.
    Just once, I wish your pleasing lies
    Were truth - not always;
    Just once.
    ....they're asking me to prove why I should be allowed to stay with my baby in Australia, because I'm mentally ill......and they think I should leave......
  • I want you to remember,
    And never ever forget
    Just once when I can be great
    Please just let this be the once




    I think these lines could be taken out altogether.
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