Huh

grooveamatic

I told her she was adorable
And she believed me
So we went out for coffee
And then sunrise walks
And then movies
And then taking naps together.
The poor girl had no idea
How lonely I'd become.

I told her she was fantastic
And I believed me
So I started a scrapbook
And gave her a nickname
And played with her belly
And massaged her feet.
Poor me, I had no idea
How impossible it was.

She kept coming to see me at work
But I was always busy
And she called me a few times
But I was always at work
And finally it all stopped
As if it had never begun at all.

The most brutal thing about love
Is that you can't create it;
That's why we all want it so badly.

grooveamatic

Hey everyone! Any help with this one would be greatly appreciated, especially regarding that last stanza. I've been stuck on it for a few days now. I just can't tell if it sounds good or not. Should I make my point more indirectly, or is that direct approach at the end there nice? I've been re-working and re-reading it so many times I am just a useless editor for it now. Opinions? Thanks!

--seth

blueintheface

i guess i'll start this one off. first of all, amazing poem, i've read it about 5 times and i really like its style and rythm. i liked the first two stanzas a lot, describing the relationship and how you felt rather than how you acted. you and her seemed to enjoy each other's company quite a bit, but you never really felt that true connection (what some call "love")

as far as your last stanza, i think its a truly terrific way to tie the poem down. it needed that final bit of knowledge you took from this relationship as well as something you haev probably been thinking for quite a long time. i agree with, we want it so bad because we can't control it. no matter how much power, wealth, brains or looks you have, it is something that just happens-or atleast that's what we are led to believe. great poem grooves.

Ali

I like the end Groove.Its pERFECT the way it is.
PS:)But dont go telling people we dont speak anymore:)


Heartcha,
ali:)

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

I like the end Groove.Its pERFECT the way it is.
PS:)But dont go telling people we dont speak anymore:)


Heartcha,
ali:)

Well, you and blue both like it, so unless I hear otherwise, the end stay like it is!

I miss massaging your feet! Let's give it another try!

Ali

grooveamatic wrote:

Well, you and blue both like it, so unless I hear otherwise, the end stay like it is!

I miss massaging your feet! Let's give it another try!

But it wasnt my feet that you were massaging last.
HOW COULD YOU LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!:):);););):):)

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

But it wasnt my feet that you were massaging last.
HOW COULD YOU LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!:):);););):):)

You continue to be funny!!!!!

When will it end? How funny could one person be?

I may faint.....

oh wait. I'm OK now.


(that was not sarcasm. you are very funny)

Ali

grooveamatic wrote:

You continue to be funny!!!!!

When will it end? How funny could one person be?

I may faint.....

oh wait. I'm OK now.


(that was not sarcasm. you are very funny)

Thats because I'm completely MAD!
(I'm running out of places to hide the bodies):):););););)

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

Thats because I'm completely MAD!
(I'm running out of places to hide the bodies):):););););)

I absolutely love when people say 'mad' instead of crazy. It sounds so....mad!!!

Have you tried under the front porch?

Ali

grooveamatic wrote:

I absolutely love when people say 'mad' instead of crazy. It sounds so....mad!!!

Have you tried under the front porch?

Well...I'm reserving the front porch for my MOm and Dad and Nanuq(The family dog)...along with Todd...The guy I stole the joke from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

grooveamatic

Ali wrote:

Well...I'm reserving the front porch for my MOm and Dad and Nanuq(The family dog)...along with Todd...The guy I stole the joke from!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

Oh, Todd. That bastard.

Ali

grooveamatic wrote:

Oh, Todd. That bastard.

Yea.and don't talk about my soon-to-be,poor,dead friend.:););):):)