The Most Dangerous Thing to Do
grooveamatic
Posts: 1,374
looking back
(and what a dangerous thing to do!)
she wasn't much older than me:
I was 23 & she
27
(although to think: she is over 30 now!)
but I was her child
in ways
needing her attention
& to be held
& to smell the back of her neck.
I knew she'd never be mine
(she was engaged
to a portly heroin addict)
but she was company
& she took her clothes off for me
& didn't sneer at my drinking
so I was of course in love.
the night that I pretended I tried to kill myself
I called her at work
and she just up and left work
just like that
and drove the 30 minutes to see me
I don't know why.
she was lovely
& concerned
& she knew I was faking it
but she took her clothes off for me
anyway
& took me to a bar
& bought me doubleshots of gin
on the rocks
& disrobed for me again later
even though I could barely see straight
& I must have reeked
like pine needles and piss.
the immense pain she must have felt
for being so kind to me
I cannot imagine.
she was older than me
and she took pride
in that
and so did I.
once we were canoeing
at 3 AM
and she was higher than a kite
and I was drunker than a crooked judge
and rounding a bend
we tipped
and both fell in.
submersed in the freezing cold
our mouths found each other's
and playfully lapped
in the dark quiet
underwaterworld.
we laughed later
soaked
muddied
dragging the canoe up the grass
glancing at the stars
smoking our wet cigarettes
as though
nothing
had happened.
after a year
she finally stopped talking to me
(I can't remember when and I can't remember why;
sometimes I can barely remember
her face)
but I didn't really notice her absence.
by then I was completely lost
in my own seamless woozy world,
lost to her and to everybody.
but now
looking back
(and what a dangerous thing to do!)
I can see how truly I loved her,
how unforgettable she must have been.
(and what a dangerous thing to do!)
she wasn't much older than me:
I was 23 & she
27
(although to think: she is over 30 now!)
but I was her child
in ways
needing her attention
& to be held
& to smell the back of her neck.
I knew she'd never be mine
(she was engaged
to a portly heroin addict)
but she was company
& she took her clothes off for me
& didn't sneer at my drinking
so I was of course in love.
the night that I pretended I tried to kill myself
I called her at work
and she just up and left work
just like that
and drove the 30 minutes to see me
I don't know why.
she was lovely
& concerned
& she knew I was faking it
but she took her clothes off for me
anyway
& took me to a bar
& bought me doubleshots of gin
on the rocks
& disrobed for me again later
even though I could barely see straight
& I must have reeked
like pine needles and piss.
the immense pain she must have felt
for being so kind to me
I cannot imagine.
she was older than me
and she took pride
in that
and so did I.
once we were canoeing
at 3 AM
and she was higher than a kite
and I was drunker than a crooked judge
and rounding a bend
we tipped
and both fell in.
submersed in the freezing cold
our mouths found each other's
and playfully lapped
in the dark quiet
underwaterworld.
we laughed later
soaked
muddied
dragging the canoe up the grass
glancing at the stars
smoking our wet cigarettes
as though
nothing
had happened.
after a year
she finally stopped talking to me
(I can't remember when and I can't remember why;
sometimes I can barely remember
her face)
but I didn't really notice her absence.
by then I was completely lost
in my own seamless woozy world,
lost to her and to everybody.
but now
looking back
(and what a dangerous thing to do!)
I can see how truly I loved her,
how unforgettable she must have been.
.........................................................................
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
A+ for format
A+ for content
A+ for creativity.
You have once again peaked my curiousity into your mind and delicious soul!:)
I'm so proud to read this!!!!!!!!
allison:)
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
Here's a peak into my mind and delicious soul:
I suspect I am quite like everyone else!
Not really, of course.
I know...Youre underestimating yourself,,,as usual!
YOURE BETTER THAN THOSE_THE REST OF THE NEIGH_SAYERS!!!!!!!!!
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
I will always under-estimate myself. It's much less dangerous than over-estimating!
Time to write my poem on my brain!
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
Certainly. Faith in oneself...with humility.
Gotta go to bed babe. Tomorrow night?
Thanks ISN!!! I'm rather fond of them. They're quite different from what I've been doing lately. They felt refreshing to write. I'm glad you liked them!!!
Calling for PJ tix on SAt.
I'll keep you informed!
ali:)
A whisper and a chill
adv2005
"Why do I bother?"
The 11th Commandment.
"Whatever"
PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
I'll be online getting them saturday as well.
Goodnight Ali!! Goodnight ISN!!!
Wow, immensely moving.
I think so often of past loves who swept into our lives....
touched our souls, gave pleasure to our bodies..and then were gone forever for whatever reason. It makes me so sad sometimes. I dont take these relationships lightly...:)
"...some are dead
and some are living...
in my life..Ive loved them all..'
"A little voice inside my head said, "don't
look back, you can never look back."
I thought i knew what love was,
What did i know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go..."
Your writings always invoke such vivid pictures and make me want to keep reading what you post!
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it
-- Omar Khayyam
It is sad, but it is also glorious.
And not to ever be taken lightly! Love-however fleeting--is the most important thing I know!!
Thanks for reading!!!
Thanks so much!! Sounds like perhaps this one is a success?
Thanks again!
And your replies make me want to keep writing!
Cool!! That's a pretty awesome description of the image you got...so hip! Thanks finger!!!